Sunday, April 10, 2005


This past week has been bad for me. I've been fighting some strep throat infection/flu thing & I haven't felt like doing much of anything. This is the first time I haven't been treated with antibiotics, just over-the-counter stuff & it's taking a toll on my mind, body & soul. I can deal with the body stuff but not the mind, and not the soul. I was NOT motivated to do anything -- you hear me? NUTTIN'. I could not write, could not check my e-mails, read... All I wanted to do was ve-gi-tate. I was in a really blue funk & I can't STAND when I feel that way. I've been praying. (When my sister invited me to church yesterday, I replied with, "What are they going to talk about?" She looked at me with disbelief and said, "I can't believe you said that." But she knows me so we laughed.)

Anyway, I woke up today & listened to my fav TV evangelist, Joel Osteen, and his message was directed to me. Not letting old habits interfere with your life, like overeating, worrying. Lately, I've been worrying about my kids, mostly my son, who finally bought a car, and with his night job, all I do is worry...about car-jacking, road-rage, not to mention a car accident. But I know I have to put all worries aside, hand them over to God 'cause I have no control over his destiny, or mine. Scary. But so true.

The worst part is I was actually dreading June 20, 2005 -- the release of my book, going on the book tour, doing readings. I was like, "I am NOT ready for this!" But then a voice was saying, "Hey, this is what you wanted, right?" NO, I wanted the dream, but not the fame. I wish I could publish my books in obscurity, like J.D. Salinger (Catcher in the Rye). No one's seen the man in 50 years, but his book continues to sell. That's what I want.

I went to Border's yesterday in Norridge (IL), continuing with the pre-promotion, introducing myself dropping off a galley. Turns out their events manager is the same for all the Border's so I don't have to go to anymore Border's. The store manager said they didn't do many book signings, & I was thinking, and probably not Latino or Black authors. My sister & I sat in the cafe for awhile & noticed the "color" of the clientele & they were few Blacks, fewer Latinos.

I haven't hit the Christian bookstores, and I really have to do that. But I'm thinking it's useless; most of the Spanish Christian bookstores sell Spanish bibles & books (nonfiction); few fiction. I don't know this for a fact, but the few stores I have visited in the past contain very little fiction. I need my sister & now that her husband is out of town for a whole week (WHOO-HOO!), we can get some visits done, after work...

My next step is to edit In the Picture I Have of You, make it more Christian. [My publisher asked me where it was a month ago, but she didn't give me a due date of any kind. I'm assuming it'll be due sometime later this year, after my book tour winds down.] I have been procrastinating, not doing much of anything after work (I get off at 1:30 every day--3:30 if I sub--for the love of mud!)--what is wrong with me? I sometimes wonder, is this really my passion?

I guess even writers who love what they do go thru this -- I have to believe this. No one, I mean no one, can love everything about their job, or hobby. My sister loves being a teacher, but even she gets exasperated.

Love, Peace & Soul,
Amore, Paz y Alma