AfroLatina Author

Productivity

2011-01-27T12:39:00.005-06:00

I'M WiFi-ing IT at the public library (who knew?). I usually go to Starbucks or Panera Bread & end up spending money for coffee/food but now that I know I can come to the CPL & take advantage of their WiFi (and save money), I'll be here more often.

HAD A PRETTY productive day, happy to say, including:

Applied to two jobs
Received response to volunteer request (to start 2/4/11)
Submitted a query & 50 pgs of ITPIHOY manuscript to literary agency
Prepared query letter & manuscript of ITPIHOY to university press (to be sent via snail mail - REALLY?)
FB'd w/two authors about publishing industry
Finished blog post (3rd one in one month!)

Wi-Fi at CPL = free

Accomplishing goals = PRICELESS!

CHILDREN'S BOOKS

2011-01-25T21:01:00.006-06:00

My grandnephew (ask him if I hate kids)

SO I'M WORKING on a couple of children's books. Those who know me (or think they know me) are probably cocking an eyebrow, doing a double-take, or saying "DOH!" "But you hate kids!" someone said when I told him of my latest project. I don't know how that rumor got started but let me clarify things: I. Do. NOT. Hate. Kids. Just because I don't like to hear them whine & cry -- does not mean I hate kids. Just because I don't like when they misbehave and throw tantrums in public places -- does not mean I hate kids. Just because I hold someone's child for a little bit -- until it starts to cry -- does not mean I hate kids. Just because I tell my daughter I'm not going to babysit her child (when she has one) while she goes out partying -- does not mean I hate kids. I like kids.

SO NOW THAT I've clarified matters...I've always wanted to write a children's book. I started one about a year ago, about a girl who complains about everything in her life until her grandmother tells her about her impoverished childhood and makes her thankful for what she has. I never finished it.

A COUPLE OF days ago, my sister, who is a teacher and budding children's author, sent me a link (http://www.naesp.org/) about a writing contest. So it got my creative juices going. We met at Panera's & did some brainstorming. A few years ago, she had started a children's book about a girl who lost her Gulf-War-soldier mother. I started writing another girl/grandma book called "Zariah's Room" about a girl who loves her bedroom -- until she has to share it with her grandmother who comes to stay with her family. Then I got another idea for another book, about a boy who is going to his great-great-grandmother's 100th birthday entitled: "Great-great-Grandma's 100 Today!" I'm dedicating it to my future yet-to-born grandchildren.

I HAVE TO keep myself busy to keep from going crazy and unemployed. I can't believe this is Week 7. All I need to do is write the new Harry-Potter-Twilight and I'm set.

WAITING BLOWS

2011-01-20T19:51:00.007-06:00

THEY SAY NO news is good news. Whoever said that probably never sent out a manuscript of a novel that took 6 years initially to write, was summarily rejected by several publishers, before being revised for another 10 years.

SO AS I wait to hear from the publishers, I try to busy myself with finding a new job after being "laid off" 2 weeks before Christmas (I am still unable to write about this without negativity so I won't). Job searching is a tedious, tedious job in itself. Even though the internet has made it easier (I can't even imagine hitting the pavement, going to different companies to fill out applications), it's still an exhausting process -- creating a username/password for every organization/company, copying/pasting my resume (which I have to revise for every job depending on the position), cover letter/letter of interest/letter of intent, then filling out the application portion.

ACCORDING TO ONE literary agent, a writer should never be "waiting", but "writing" and "submitting." So I should be working on my third novel while submitting the second novel to other publishers and agents. One thing about not having a job, you have no structure. And for a procrastinator, no structure is lethal.

IN THE MEANTIME, I've been doing some readings. The photo above is from a reading at Ponce @Nite, a monthly open-mic at Ponce Restaurant (http://facebook.com/ponce.atnite).

I've also read at Proyecto Latina (http:proyectolatina.org) where readings are currently held at Cafe Cathedral (which has a delicious strawberry-banana-mango smoothie). Both venues feature some awesome authors, poets, and performers which make me proud to be Latina.

PUBLISHER WANTS TO SEE THE WHOLE MANUSCRIPT

2010-09-28T12:51:00.004-05:00

SO I GOT an e-mail from one of the publishers that I sent the 1st three chapters of In the Picture I Have of You . They want to see the whole manuscript! This is promising. It means that they liked what they read so far & want to read more. In fact, the e-mail said, "We look forward to reading your work!" (their exclamation point).

SO I'M EXCITED. What? I don't sound like it? Inside, I'm doing my Snoopy dance. If you know me, you know I don't like to get too excited. I'm a pessimist at heart so I always expect the worst so that if/when I get bad news, I don't feel the pain as much.

BUT I'VE EXPERIENCED rejection before so I know the pain. But I don't expect to get rejected this time. I know In the Picture I Have of You is a good manuscript and it's going to be an even better book. I believe it's going to bless a lot of people, especially women who have been abandoned by their fathers. Do I sound conceited? Over-confident? A few years ago, I never would have made such statements. If getting older has taught me one thing, it's that you need to believe in yourself and that positive thinking does work. A year from now (or a little more), In the Picture I Have of You will be published. As I write this, I'm seeing In the Picture I Have of You in bookstores now, right on the shelf of "New Arrivals." Amen.

p.s. I just hope they don't change the title. I know everyone says you shouldn't cling to a title because the odds are that the publisher will change it (as they did with Choose Me, which was originally titled, Eva and Adam) -- but I love my title!

I DID IT!

2010-08-06T23:23:00.007-05:00

Me at the lakefront, North Ave Beach, Chicago, 2009

I FINALLY SENT off In the Picture I Have of You (ITPHIOY) to a publisher! For months, I toiled over the outline & cover letter, revising & re-revising. I also had to submit a synopsis, bio & chapters 1-3, all of which were pretty much done, but I kept tweaking it here & there, not liking a word I used in this sentence, finding an error on that page until finally, I said ENOUGH! I'm sending it today. If it's not ready now, it will never be.

THE BEST PART is that in today's technologically advanced world, the publisher was only accepting e-mailed submissons. I remember when I first sent ITPHIOY off to agents in 1997 (was it really 13 years ago?), printing & making copies on company time (early in the morning before my bosses arrived, or on my lunch hour, or after everyone had gone), running to the post office, mailing it off; then getting my manuscript back -- wrinkled & finger-worn by judgmental editors. Now, everything is done as an attachment. I do NOT miss the old days.

I HAVE TWO other publishers in mind. No doubt they will have their own submission guidelines. My advice to other writers, always read & re-read guidelines and do exactly what they say -- do not send anything more, or anything less.

NOW COMES THE hard part - waiting. (And we all know, how impatient I am. sigh)

BARRIO ART FEST - 2009

2009-08-28T11:47:00.004-05:00

SAVE THE DATE! Saturday, September 19 & Sunday, September 20, 2009 is the 6th Annual Barrio Art Fest featuring the best local Puerto Rican & Latino artists, musicians, performers, & poets/authors - including moi! I'm supposed to be debuting my childhood memoir Humboldt Park Days; however, there has been a hold-up in the ISBN. I don't know if I'll have a table selling the remaining copies of Choose Me and Boricua Morena. If anything, I'll attend as a spectator and promote Humboldt Park Days with postcards & t-shirts. Veremos a ver.

MY TV'S BROKE!

2009-07-20T13:32:00.003-05:00

My TV is broke! It suddenly went out without warning about a week ago. So I've been catching up on my reading. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't watch television (now I know why they call it the idiot box - I feel smarter already).

Dreams of My Father by President Barack Obama
Gang Leader for a Day by Sudhir Venkatesh
The Prisoner's Wife by asha bandele
Dream when You're Blue by Elizabeth Berg

HAPPY 4TH ANNIVERSARY!

2009-07-15T16:23:00.002-05:00

OMG! I completely forgot - Choose Me celebrated it's 4th Anniversary this past June! I'm a bad "mommy-author." How could I possibly forgot my "baby's" birth (publication)? Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, HAAAAAPPPYYY Anniversary!

BOOK SIGNING AT DUSABLE MUSEUM

2009-07-13T10:52:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, July 11, 2009 & Sunday, July 12, 2009, I was at the DuSable Museum of African American History for their 35th Annual Arts & Crafts Fair. I was at the "Meet & Greet" booth with two other authors. My publicist (a.k.a. my sister) accompanied me and encouraged passersby to buy my books with her sense of humor, good looks, and overall marketing savvy. On Sunday, my niece and her extended brood (husband & 3 kids) showed up and like her mother, my niece helped boost sales (she is her mother's child). The event was successful considering I have been out of commission for a while. I met some very interesting people, laughed a lot, and I'm motivated more than ever to submit ITPIHOY to another publisher and finish editing HPD.

p.s. For those of you who are "afraid" of the South Side, you missed out on a chance to interact with some nice folks.

HEY!

2009-02-28T15:34:00.004-06:00

What's that saying? The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I'm alive! "Techncologically" speaking, however, I was dead. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I no longer have a phone at home; thus, I don't have Internet access. Yes, I've heard of wireless but I've just been too busy to get hooked up. So much has happened in the last year, I don't know where to start. I'm at Starbucks & a friend finally signed me on to their wireless Internet. The first two hours are free as long as you have a Starbucks gift card; I thought I'd be getting a warning when my time was up, but I think it's charging my card so I'm going to sign off now. More later! CIAO!

WOMEN OF INTEGRITY BOOK CLUB

2008-02-08T12:32:00.000-06:00

Last October 2007, I was invited to a book club reading and discussion of Choose Me by the Women of Integrity Book Club. The book club consists of a group of women who meet at Mt. Eagle Baptist Church on Chicago's South Side, headed by the church's First Lady, E'Lisa Hooks. They meet quarterly and always choose an inspirational book with messages relevant to their godly lives.

Approximately 20 women showed up at the October 9 reading/discussion. The Women of Integrity Book Club provided me with good and bad comments – mostly good. We shared our experiences with temptations of the flesh and current and past relationships. I enjoyed the experience and didn’t take the negative comments at heart. It was difficult to keep quiet, though, especially when everyone was so eager to speak. They had a two-page list of discussion questions ready (great questions!) and I felt blessed and renewed in my path to remain celibate. There was an array of food available & it was hard to wait until after the discussion to eat. After the discussion and dinner, I signed their books and we took pictures (for some reason, my sister only took the one posted here with my camera; she had more in her camera).

I’ve been trying to connect with Latina book clubs, but so far, I’ve been unsuccessful. Recently though, I got an invitation to join the Las Comadres on-line Book Club, which is going to start in March. Hopefully, my book will be selected (hint, hint).

2008-01-18T16:55:00.000-06:00

AS YOU CAN see by the time span between this post & my last, work, school, personal things, etc. have taken over my writing life. I feel emotionally, physically, and almost spiritually drained. I cannot begin to summarize these past few months since the Book Release Party—but I’ll try.

Me and Dr. Daniel Lopez

SCHOOL

All I can say is “IT’S OVA! FOR-EVA!” I made it despite minor setbacks with two Incompletes and another health issue. Graduation came and left and all I can say is “Halleluya!” and “Amen!”

Gigi and Alex provided reflections on their ENLACE experience at our Fellows Dinner. They did a great job. Here’s my farewell speech to my “comais/compais”:

Getting a master’s was never one of my goals. My main reason for applying for the scholarship was because the mission to increase Latino representation in higher education inspired me. Despite all the challenges I faced in the last two years, despite all my bellyaching about wanting my life back, I can honestly say it was worth it. And what made it all worth it were my nine fellow cohort mates who shared this journey with me. They have all inspired me to strive for success, and I admire them and learned so much from each one of them.

(L to R) Elvis, Lupe, Marixsa, Honorio, Jorge, Alex, Rubi, Miguel, & Gigi
(I missed the picture ceremony 'cause I was stuck on the E-way with my son!)

I admire the 20-somethings: Gigi, Miguel, Elvis, and Lupe, for setting such a great example for young Latinos by going straight from high school to college and getting their bachelor’s, and finishing their master’s before the age of 30.

I admired the moms, Marixsa and Rubi, who like me, know the sacrifice involved in going to school while simultaneously juggling childrearing, full-time job, family and relationships.

I admired Honorio, who overcame language and political barriers and reminded me of how good “we” in the U.S. have it despite all the obstacles faced by Latinos in America. He humbles me.

I admired Alex for his extraordinary patience, strong spirituality, and quiet sense of humor. When I wanted to blow up, he showed me how to stay cool without saying a word.

And I admired Jorge, Miguel, Elvis, and Gigi for their great presentation skills and ease in public speaking. When I grow up, I want to be just like them.

I know that my nine cohort-mates will all continue to succeed whether they decide to go for that Ph.D. or not. Personally, getting a Ph.D. is not a future goal; however, I do want to be involved with Latinos and some aspect of higher education.

Last but not least, I'd like to thank our mentors, our professors: Drs. Santos Rivera, Dr. Daniel Lopez, Dr. Diana Ehrlich, and all of our instructors for their assistance, patience and guidance through these past two years. We couldn't have done it without you.

My Mami & sister, Marie (yes, I was really that happy!)

My mom came for my graduation and stayed with my younger sister this time so I didn’t spend as much time with her as I wanted, especially since I had to work. She went back on Jan 8; my grandma, who is 96 now, is really sick. What makes it so frustrating is that the doctors she’s been to so far don’t know what’s wrong with her. One misdiagnosed her with shingles, and the other is baffled. It’s hard to imagine my grandma ill and unable to eat much, or stand or walk for long periods when a year ago, she was here, making pasteles and Johnny-cle and eating pizza. Even though she was homesick, she wasn’t “sick-sick.”

Suleyma, Elvis, Marixsa & friend at La Bruquena

BOOK RELEASE PARTY

The book release party at La Bruquena was a success. I sold so many books and donated the proceeds to the fundraising campaign for our trip to Argentina in the fall. Several cohort members showed up (shout-outs to Gigi, Marixsa, Honorio, and Elvis and an “adopted” cohort member, Christina); three of my professors (Drs. Rivera, Lopez & Ehrlich), and Suleyma.

Friend, Gigi, Marixsa, Dr. Lopez & Dr. Ehrlich ( La Bruquena)

Of course, my family (sisters, daughter, cousin) was on hand for support – gracias, siempre. Finally, a few co-workers showed up (Raquel, Millie and Adela, who almost replaced my sister as my publicist). I read "Home is Where Mami Is" from Boricua Morena.

Ceci, the artist, had a successful night and sold several pieces, including the one piece I coveted of the Bomba Dancer. However, I absolutely loved the piece she created for me “Recuerdos de Puerto Rico.” It now proudly hangs on my bedroom wall.

HEALTH ISSUES

Over the past few months, I struggled with more health issues, specifically my eyes and an eruption of my skin condition, but I refused to be hospitalized again. Everybody kept telling me I have to have faith if I’m going to be healed. WHAT MAKES THEM THINK I DON’T?! In fact, after numerous consultations with specialists, multiple medications, weekly treatments, faith was the only thing -- is still the only thing -- giving me strength. Everything else seems to be sapping my strength. I am doing much better than I was several months ago.

MY FAMILY LIFE

I spent Thanksgiving in Argentina, but before leaving, my daughter cooked a pre-Thanksgiving meal the weekend before. My younger sister was at her sister-in-law’s, my baby sister was at a friend’s, and my mom and grandma were in Puerto Rico so I didn’t feel like I missed anything or anyone. Christmas was kind of a repeat of the same family as last year; the food was okay, but I think having a cold had something to do with my mood. Still, it was good having my mom here for a second Christmas in a row. She already said she wasn’t coming next year so we might go there.

ON ARGENTINA

Rubi, Dr. Ehrlich, me & Alex in front of unknown Argentinean fountain

Live statue at La Boca

I almost didn’t go to Argentina because of my health, mostly because I was afraid of being hospitalized overseas, not because I feared foreign hospitals, but because I fear hospitals in general. My migraines acted up but I managed to participate in all the activities with the exception of one day when I just couldn’t get out of bed. Overall, it was a good experience, but I won’t be going back too soon.

Miguel & Elvis a.k.a. The ENLACE Kings of Comedy

The highlights: tango lessons, powerful hot showers in the hotel, the last day at La Feria Recoleta, listening to Argentinean Spanish, laughing and joking with my cohort mates, eating at the different restaurants -- oh, and the Capoiera dancers (mmm).

Low points (besides the migraines): seeing the poor begging on the streets, particularly mothers with children, bumpy van rides, waking up to no power in the hotel twice, no ice water (I know, petty compared to larger problems), running through the airport in Miami & almost missing our flight back, airport bureaucracy in general.

My sanctuary (Chicago's Lakefront)

THE WRITING LIFE

I’m slowly getting back into my writing. I need to set some goals and set aside some writing time to work on the following:

#1 Regarding the second novel, In the Picture I Have of you (ITPIHOY), I have not heard anything from my agent. I’ve e-mailed her twice & left her a voice mail, and I have yet to receive a reply, the last attempt was almost a year ago (!). I’ve thought of all her comments when we first spoke when she explained what kind of an agent she was, all the positive comments about ITPIHOY, how I should feel free to contact her, etc. I’ve been down the road of rejection; I know the feeling. The thing is, why ITPIHOY—again?! I’ve always felt this was my strongest book, my baby, my unborn-firstborn. But it keeps “miscarrying” (too many birthing analogies?). It’s like the woman who keeps a-hoping/wishing/praying for a baby & keeps experiencing miscarriages. After a while, she either gives up and adopts (how would that translate into a book metaphor??), or keeps trying to procreate. I just finished writing the termination letter to my agent so I can send the manuscript to another agent who requested it a year ago. Hope she’s still with the same publisher.

Two: I have finished editing my third novel Negrita Means Love (NML) for which I received the grant from NALAC.

Three: I'm almost finished editing Humboldt Park Days (HPD), my memoir for grade-schoolers. It will be another self-publishing venture. I’m trying to find a good picture of me when I a child for the cover, but the only one I like is my baby picture (wasn’t I cute?).

I did write a piece for an anthology entitled “OtheRicans: Voices of the Greater Puerto Rican Diaspora” about Puerto Ricans who live in cities other than New York. It’s being edited by Aurora Morales Levins, a Puerto Rican-Jewish author.

ON "ME"

I’ve made a promise that I’m going to take care of me this year. Not to be selfish, but I have been neglecting myself for a while. And they’re not New Year’s resolutions, just New Me resolutions.

§ I’m taking a bomba class (more on that later).

§ I was going to take up yoga again but it conflicted with the bomba class, so I’m postponing it until spring.

§ I’m going to try to eat better and stop eating fast food (seriously).

§ I’m going to finish reading all the books I didn’t get a chance to because of school.

My dining room table in the middle of writing a paper or exam

Books I’m Reading or Have Read so far...

That Mean Old Yesterday by Stacey Patton

Pimps, (bleep), Playa Hatas, and The Rest of My Hollywood Friends by John Leguizamo

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

Tha-tha-that’s all folks…

I'M BA-A-CK!

2007-12-14T15:49:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's been a long time since a blogged. What can I say... it's been a long, busy, busy, hard, spring, summer, fall and now, winter. But it's over -- almost. Tomorrow, I am graduating. A-le-lu-ya, a-le-lu-ya, aleluya, aleluya, aleluya! More to follow... I am too excited to write. Ciao.
(Oh yeah, I went to Argentina.)

ART EXHIBIT & BOOK RELEASE PARTY

2007-03-20T12:53:00.000-05:00

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Cecilia Colon Art Exhibit &

BOOK RELEASE PARTY for Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl

@ La Bruquena Restaurant, 2726 West Division, Chicago

MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND

2007-03-02T11:58:00.000-06:00

The Welcome Banner at Monroe

SO LAST THURSDAY (February 22) was my birthday. It was pretty uneventful, as far as birthdays go. I never limit my birthday to a “day” but celebrate the whole weekend.

ON THURSDAY, I had the African American Read-A-Thon at Monroe Elementary School where my Tio Genaro is a vice-principal. It was very nice; a lot of the kids remembered me from last year. I sold about ten books, mostly to teachers and office employees. There were the usual author questions: Where do you get your stories from? How long did it take you to write your book(s)? Did you ever think about giving up? But there were several highlights throughout the day:

HIGHLIGHT #1

The whole assembly (100+ kids & teachers) sang “Happy Birthday to Me!” (nice :).

HIGHLIGHT #2

Admiring Fan (smiling shyly): You’re my favorite author.

Me (cheesing from ear to ear): Really? Did you read my book?

Admiring Fan (smiling coyly & shaking her head)

Me: So, how can I be your favorite author?

Admiring Fan (giggling & shrugging)

Me: You better read my book – when you’re older.

HIGHLIGHT #3

While talking to a 6^th grade class about how I was called names when I was a kid (nerd, square, teacher’s pet, goody-two-shoes, four-eyes) because I was a good student, and how I used my words to fight back, I kept seeing this one girl (who wore glasses) turning to her seat-mate elbowing and giving him looks of “Nah.” I knew she was experiencing the same things I had so it was great to witness that connection. Later, the co-teacher in the classroom bought two copies of Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl and raffled one off. She told me that everyone was fighting to win the book and one of the girls won (I was hoping it was the same girl); afterwards, she passed the book around. More than the fact that they were fighting over my book, I was thrilled that they were fighting over a book, especially in this day and age.

HIGHLIGHT #4
Listening to second graders reading in Spanish -- better than I! I was in awe.

HIGHLIGHT #5

At least 10 kids asked for my autograph. Now I know what it feels like to be Jennifer Lopez & Jennifer Hudson – OK, not really, but close.

HIGHLIGHT #6

I got Starbucks gift cards from both my kids (WHOO-HOO!) I know, it’s sad the things that make us happy as “mature” adults.

On Friday, the staff at my office had a surprise brunch for me.

On Saturday, my sister and I were going to go partying (not how we used to party in the old days) with our daughters (yes, with our daughters), but there was a snowstorm. Sorry, I’ve never been the adventurous type.

And on Sunday, like the Lord, I rested.

UPCOMING EVENTS FOR BORICUA MORENA

2007-02-13T15:15:00.000-06:00

SALES OF BORICUA Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl are still going strong!

Book Description:

In school, I was an oddball of sorts. Puerto Rican girls stayed away from me because they thought I was Black; Black girls stayed away because I talked “funny.” If my sister and I spoke Spanish around Hispanic girls, they’d stare like we were aliens from outer space. ”Where are you from?” they’d ask in voices filled with distaste, never making any attempt to include us in their cliques.

—from Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a

Humboldt Park Girl

In this impressive first collection of essays, poems, and short stories, Xenia Ruíz documents a life rarely explored in the Latino literary Diaspora, that of the Afro-Latina. Growing up in Chicago’s Humboldt Park community as a Puerto Rican girl who “looked Black,” Ruíz captures the misconceptions of what it means to be Latina. Boricua Morena is filled with memories of prejudice and pride, dreams and accomplishments, and family members as “dysfunctionally normal” as any other American family. From her first critically acclaimed essay, “Pelo Malo: Confessions of a Kinky-Haired Puerto Rican Sister,” to her searing anti-war, pro-motherhood poem, “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” to her poignant short stories of teenagers on the verge of self-discovery, Ruíz offers a fresh perspective of self-identity and self-love, and emerges as a true talent in the growing roster of first-generation, American Latina\o authors.

********************************

UPCOMING EVENTS

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Monroe Elementary School

3651 West Schubert, Chicago

African American Read-A-Thon

(Incidentally, this is also my birthday!)

This is my second year going to Monroe. I had such a wonderful time last year and I’m honored that they’ve invited me back – even if it is my birthday.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Cecilia Colon Art Exhibit &

BOOK RELEASE PARTY!

@ La Bruquena Restaurant, 2726 West Division, Chicago

The Book Release Party is for Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl (yes, I know it’s six months late, but a lot of book launch parties happen after the fact.) For those of you who don’t know Cecilia Colon, she is an awesome artist in Chicago who grew in Humboldt Park. Her art is entitled “Habichuelas sin Arroz” (beans without rice), which describes her medium; she creates the most spectacular art with beans. I wrote about her art before (see my November 2005 entry on the blog).

MAMA GONE!

2007-01-17T13:00:00.000-06:00

WELL, MAMI LEFT for Puerto Rico on January 9^th – at the crack of dawn I might add! But it’s all good. I am missing her already, but I’m kind of glad to get back to my routine (throwing my clothes wherever without her telling me to pick them up, coming and going as I please, eating what I want without feeling guilty, etc.). I AM thankful for all that she did while she was here and even though I thanked her, I’m going to write and let her know. I’ll see her again in July when I go for my niece’s wedding.

MY GRANMA’S GONE too; she was happy to leave. She was wrapped up in the van like it was 30 below, but you know, she’s got that Puerto Rico blood. I know she’s going to be glad when she finally gets to her house in Ponce.

I FINALLY GOT my grant money from the National Association of Latino Arts and Culture—WHOO-HOO! I have to make it last ‘til November and spend it only on book-related stuff (that's going to be hard). Ask me if I’ve been editing or researching NEGRITA MEANS LOVE. Of course not.

THE SPRING SEMESTER started two weeks ago; we’ve already had a holiday (MLK Day). I’m slowly working on my research paper, doing the data analysis. I had seven participants and I haven’t done any interviews yet. I did start editing my next publishing venture: HUMBOLDT PARK DAYS. I have to get my butt is gear ‘cause the semester’s going to get busy quick. I don’t want to get into that pattern where I have so many things to do, I don’t know where to begin. My THINGS TO DO list is so full… I have to keep telling myself, focus, caramba, focus…

HALF-WAY THERE!

2006-12-15T17:48:00.000-06:00

WOO-HOO! My third semester of my master's program is over. WOO-HOO! Only THREE more semesters to go! By this time next year, I’ll be graduating—si Dios quiere.

Words and tears cannot express how ecstatic I am that this semester is over. It was, by far, the most difficult, most challenging, most exhausting semester. So difficult that I had to take an incomplete in one of my courses. I was briefly hospitalized (more later) in early November & it set me back in both classes, but because one of the professors was a little more demanding that the other (and inflexible), I was forced to take an Incomplete in the other class, the one I really liked. It was a research class and I was looking forward to working on the research paper (even if it was supposed to be 30 pages).

The only good thing is that I get to fill out an evaluation on the class. He actually told us, "here's your chance to get back at me"(!). Don't tempt me, dude!

Since it's been a while since I've written, I'll provide an update...

On writing...
I was interviewed by Hispanic Outlook in Higher Education, a magazine which we (the cohort members) have been receiving lately. They asked me questions about my writing and how my Latino background and education has influenced my writing. I was also able to plug my books. The piece will be featured in the February issue.

I haven't received my grant money for the third novel yet (it was supposed to be sent in early November) -- so I haven't done much writing/editing. I know -- it's an excuse, but since I'm supposed to use the money towards the writing of the novel, I can't very well "work" on writing if I don't have the funds (for paper, cartridge, postage, etc.).

Copies of Boricua Morena are still steady. Just when sales seem to slow down, I get a request for a copy or two from people who come across my blog, or website (which incidentally is still up even though I had it suspended earlier this year), or through word-of-mouth.

I've been contemplating self-publishing another book, this one for children, sort of a coming-of-age memoir/reminiscent of The House on Mango Street. Working title: The Girl From Humboldt Park.

On Work...
Been contemplating making a move to another job. I still love my job; I just can't take this pay cut anymore, having just enough money to cover my bills, not being able to save money. I wasn't able to give my kids, mom or sisters anything for Christmas 'cause I was short on funds. I'm not depressed about it, but I'm not happy either.

On my Health...
I had a bacterial skin infection in early November & was hospitalized for 3 days. The docs are not sure where I got it from (I have a good suspicion), and since I wasn't responding to oral antibiotics, they decided I needed them intravenously. All in all, it was a good hospital stay, considering all the horror stories I’ve heard about infections. I had to have body wraps twice a day and the IV was only infused for one hour every eight. I received good care, especially from one terrific nurse; she was so good, I had to write a thank-you note. I had three meals a day brought to me & my family was worried and most of them came to see me.

On my mom and grandma…
My mom came to Chicago 3 weeks ago & she’s staying with me. She’s kind of driving me a little crazy ‘cause she’s constantly cleaning up, washing dishes as soon as they’re in the sink, sweeping, making my bed (something I’ve always found useless since I’m going to come home & get right back in it). She keeps moving my stuff and I’m the kind of person that needs things where I last left them otherwise, I can’t find them. Sometimes I can’t find them when I do leave in the same place.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad she’s here. She makes me tea every morning, prepares a sandwich for lunch & if I ate anything more than cereal for breakfast, she would make it for me. Since she’s a vegetarian, she only cooks root vegetables and fish; otherwise, she eats fruits & nuts. If she cooks chicken or other meats, she comments on how long it’s been since she’s eaten it and how she can’t stand the way it smells, so I don’t ask her to cook anything if I can help it. She also doesn’t eat rice – white rice, at least.

My grandma has been a little depressed, more homesick I guess because she’s ready to go back home. Over the weekend she got sick and she wouldn’t eat or come out of her bedroom. She wasn’t able to spend Christmas with the whole family so we missed her. Many times I find myself wishing I had a tape recorder so I could record her voice and my mom’s when they talk about the past. Like the time my cousin & I were asking my grandma the names of her parents, grandparents and brothers & sisters and their kids. It was amazing how my grandma was able to remember their names and my mother was not.

On the holidays…
Thanksgiving and Christmas went by much too fast. I got two Starbucks gift cards just when I decided I wasn’t going to be spending $4 for a grande soy latte anymore. I wasn’t able to buy anyone anything because basically I’m broke. I’m beginning to know what the phrase “starving artist” means. Even though my mom is here for Christmas & will be here for New Year’s (she’s going to make arroz con dulce and tembleque – two Puerto Rican desserts), it’s not the same as when she lived here. I understand what they mean when they say, “you can’t go home again.”

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! FELICIDADES!

TWO BLESSINGS IN ONE DAY!

2006-10-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

http://www.nhlcyberfamily.org/special/happydance.htm

BLESSING #1
I GOT MY first royalty check! Can you see me doing my Snoopy happy dance (click on the above hyperlink)! I can't believe I earned out my advance! [For those of you to which I owe money, it isn’t that much so don’t get TOO happy.] I’m going to open up a new savings account (since I was forced to close my last one when I got hit with an unexpected property tax bill a few months ago). I’m also going to do something nice for myself since I’ve been suffering from a skin infection (which has required numerous medicines including an extended course of antibiotics).

BLESSING #2
NALAC (NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of Latino Arts & Culture) has selected me to receive a grant to support my third novel, tentatively entitled Negrita Means Love. The award will be announced at the 2006 Sixth Annual NFA Conference on October 13, 2006 in San Antonio, Texas, which unfortunately I will not be able to attend due to scheduling conflicts. (I really wanted to go too, so I could visit my girl, TEE, who is in the National Guard stationed in a VA hospital down there.)

THIS DOUBLE DOSE of news is just what I needed considering I’ve been feeling kind of depressed about my lack of funds. Not to say that I view money as an anti-depressant, and the only blessings are monetary ones, but this living check-to-check is KILLING me. I’m used to having money left over after paying bills, but it’s been impossible to save ANYTHING this past year, and I REALLY don’t know how much longer I could do it.

GOD IS GOOD.

PRETTY PEOPLE OF COLOR WITH PROBLEMS

2006-10-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

I KNOW THAT this is supposed to be a blog dedicated to my life as an author, but I couldn’t resist commenting on a recent television network’s latest addition to the fall line-up (this isn’t the only show I have an issue with, but the one that happened to keep me up the night after it aired).

THE PROGRAM IN question is “Brothers and Sisters” about a family (White, of course) of sisters (2, I think) and brothers (3, I think) with secrets (of course), that loses its family patriarch at the end of the first episode. After watching the program (which wasn’t very good), I couldn’t help thinking of that old Mad TV spoof, “Pretty White People with Problems.” The spoof was a parody of all the programs featuring -- what else? -- pretty white people with problems (i.e. Popular, Dawson’s Creek, One Tree Hill). Television executives seem to think that we will watch these “clone” shows because even though the actors happen to look like Calista Flockhart and Patrick Dempsey, they have problems just like us.

SO AFTER WASTING an hour that I’ll never get back, I lay in bed thinking, I am so-o-o TIRED of watching “pretty white people with problems.” Where are the Pretty “People of Color” with Problems? Like a family of multi-colored African American members, or a Latino American family that isn’t Mexican or Puerto Rican (how about Dominicans or Columbians for a change — without the stereotypes that are stressed: poor, drug-dealing, or a family of boxers). Or how about an interracial couple who adopted multi-cultural kids who are all grown up -- with problems! Maybe even one who is handicapped. Wow, what a concept! Are there really families like this? You wouldn’t know it looking at TV world.

CONAN O'BRIEN (ONE of my favorite comedians) commented the other night that in keeping with television tradition, the show “Brothers and Sisters” doesn’t feature either (brothers or sisters in the African American vernacular). To those of you who may think this a racist view, think of it this way: imagine that every time you turned on the TV, every time you went to the movies, every time you opened up a magazine, ALL you saw on commercials, programs, and the news, and EVERY single person or actor was Asian. How would you feel?

BOOK TOUR, 2006

2006-09-07T22:46:00.000-05:00

[I LOVE this picture of my nephew, Daelen! It's like he's in the zone, connecting with

his Afro-Rican roots. La Casita de Don Pedro, 2006]

I AM ALMOST recovered from back-to-back events (one August 19, and two on August 12) promoting Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl. The overall consensus is that everyone LOVES the title, particularly Humboldt Park residents (former and current) because the subtitle mentions their neighborhood. You might think sitting at a table talking to prospective buyers about your book, signing books, taking money & giving out receipts is fun, but let me tell it, it ain’t. It’s exhausting! Here’s a breakdown of the events:

LA CASITA DE DON PEDRO, August 12
For those of you who are not familiar with La Casita de Don Pedro, it is a mini-museum honoring Don Pedro Albizu Campos, the Puerto Rican nationalist who fought for Puerto Rico's independence. The house is a model of the typical casitas in Puerto Rico (including my grandma's) and features many Puerto Rican artifacts and musical instruments.

WHEN I GOT there, there were only two other artists on the sidewalk in front of La Casita and another table that featured children’s facepainting (see my grand-nephew above & below). Sales were slow and there wasn’t much of a crowd walking down Division, not like it used to be back in the day. Just as I was packing up, I made three sales. One surprise buyer was the director of human resources from my job. She is so cool. Thanks for the support, Raquel!

PUERTO Rican Film Series, August 12
AT THE FILM festival, I read “Home is Where Mami Is” since they were honoring Puerto Rican women. There was an estimated crowd of 150 in the audience on a chilly (yes, chilly!) summer night. People were wrapped up in jackets & frisas (also known as cobillas by my Mexican friends). I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I was going to be. I was given a small space on a table where vendors were promoting their businesses and I sold 3-4 books, which is average. My sister downloaded an iron-on transfer from some website of the cover & made T-shirts (she also got the white cap I'm wearing in the picture with the book's title); I was surprised that people actually wanted the T-shirts with the book cover.

[La Familia at El Barrio Art Fest 2006, including my grandma, Arsenia, my tio & tia, Benito & Petrin (my mom's sister) -- all visiting from Puerto Rico-- cousins, my sisters & my daughter]

3rd ANNUAL El Barrio Art Fest 2006, August 19
The Not-so Good Parts
The El Barrio Art Fest was a huge success, though the location left much to be desired. Because the museum & stables were under construction, it took place inside, in the Fieldhouse, which was divided into several gyms, segregating the artists from each other as well. As usual, since I was covering my table, I wasn’t able to visit all the artists and their exhibits; plus, I couldn’t enjoy the music from the West Gym, where I was stationed. The day was humid, with intermittent teasing breezes when you stepped outside and even though every once in a while, a sigh-inducing breeze flowed through, it was stifling. To top it off (I noticed later), the other gyms were provided with huge industrial fans while those of us in my section, were left to the mercy of our homemade fans and water bottles.

The Good Parts

My family, as usual, came in packs to show their support: my sisters and brother, two aunts, two uncles, several cousins. A special surprise was the attendance by my 95-year-old grandmother who is visiting from Puerto Rico (the one I’ve mentioned in this blog before); she was walking 2 miles an hour, but she was there! In her honor, I read an essay from the book, “My Grandmother’s Letters.” The story is in English, even though she doesn’t understand much English, but my mother is going to help me translate it.

When I first signed in, I was informed that all the artists would be receiving a stipend. Imagine my surprise! I wasn’t expecting anything, especially after I had to donate proceeds of my sales the previous Saturday.

Three of my fellow cohort members from my master’s program showed up! That was a nice surprise, especially since one of them was someone that I would have never expected. Thanks to Honorio, Gigi, and Marixsa (I’ll never spell your name wrong again!).

Two other writers (an author & poet) joined me this year so I’m hoping this is the beginning of a growing cohort of writers (though I was the only woman). I also read my anti-war/anti-Bush/pro-motherhood poem, “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” The emcee was trying to bill us as the Humboldt Park Poets & Writers Association, but we preferred El Barrio Writers.

I saw a couple of my favorite artists from last year: Cesi Colon (the Abichuelas Sin Arroz artist), Leo Negron, Patricia (Lady Picasso) Perez, and Moses Perez. Cesi had a new piece which I absolutely fell in love with and wanted to “steal,” and Lady Picasso had some pieces that were breath-taking and reminded me of Frida Kahlo. I sold 26 books, which is a record; 50+ books to date.

Although this year's "book tour" was much shorter than last years, I'm beat. I met a lot of nice people who told me their stories about living in Humboldt Park. It was a wonderful experience and I'm glad I decided to put this book out at the last minute -- despite the errors (!). From here on, it's going to be all word-of-mouth.

[My abuela, Arsenia Morales Rodriguez, age 95, who is visiting from Puerto Rico. Ain't she sharp!]

[Daelen doing his own face-painting; La Casita de Don Pedro]

P.S. I finally got the contract from Levine-Greenberg for In the Picture I Have of You. WOO-HOO!

BORICUA MORENA IS HERE!

2006-08-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

[The real cover - ain't it purty?!]

ON FRIDAY, JULY 28, 2006, I received two boxes containing the 220 copies of Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl. Though I ordered 200, 20 are overrun copies which happens when printing a book. I made my first sale on Saturday night, to my daughter’s friend. Yesterday I took one book to class because I didn’t want to look like I was trying to get everybody to buy a copy. I showed it to Miguel, a fellow aspiring author, who immediately dug around in his pockets for $12.00. The cohorts were passing the book around, making comments, reading their names in the “Acknowledgments” page, which made them—and me—feel good. I thought our instructor was going to turn around any minute and chastise us. By the end of class, I had sold 4 books, 3 on pre-order.

THE BOOK RELEASE Party is pending at Coco’s, a Puerto Rican restaurant on Paseo Boricua (the heart of the Puerto Rican community). So far, I have the following events confirmed:

***********************************************************

ABOUT THE BOOK: In this impressive first collection of essays, poems, and short stories, Xenia Ruíz documents a life rarely explored in the Latino literary Diaspora, that of the Afro-Latina. Growing up in Chicago’s Humboldt Park community as a Puerto Rican girl who “looked Black,” Ruíz captures the misconceptions of what it means to be Latina. Boricua Morena is filled with memories of prejudice and pride, dreams and accomplishments, and family members as “dysfunctionally normal” as any other American family. From her first critically acclaimed essay, “Pelo Malo: Confessions of a Kinky-Haired Puerto Rican Sister,” to her searing anti-war, pro-motherhood poem, “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” to her poignant short stories of teenagers on the verge of self-discovery, Ruíz offers a fresh perspective of self-identity and self-love, and emerges as a true talent in the growing roster of first-generation, American Latina\o authors.

***********************************************************
UPCOMING EVENTS
***********************************************************

BOOKSIGNING
10:00 AM – 4:00 PM
SATURDAY, AUGUST 12, 2006
5TH ANNUAL ARTESANOS MARKET 2006
@ LA CASITA DE DON PEDRO
2625 West Division
Director: Angel M Fuentes
lacasita@prcc-chgo.org
www.prcc-chgo.org

BOOKSIGNING
2:00 PM – 4:00 PM
SUNDAY, AUGUST 13, 2006
1ST ANNUAL CASA’S HOME CARE SERVICES PICNIC
@ HORNER PARK
California & Montrose

READING & BOOKSIGNING
12:00 NOON – 6:00 PM

SATURDAY, August 19, 2005
3RD EL BARRIO ART FESTIVAL 2006
Institute of Puerto Rican Arts and Culture (IPRAC)
Humboldt Park Stables
3015 West Division
Chicago IL 60622
Jorge Félix
www.iprac.org

BOOKSIGNING
10:00 AM – 4:00 PM
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2006
5TH ANNUAL ARTESANOS MARKET 2006
@ LA CASITA DE DON PEDRO
2625 West Division
Director: Angel M Fuentes
lacasita@prcc-chgo.org
www.prcc-chgo.org

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

GET YOUR COPY TODAY!

FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT THE AUTHOR’S WEBSITE at http://xeniaruiz.net or http://www.laequis.bravehost.com/ or E-MAIL laequis222@yahoo.com.

Book Title: Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl
ISBN: 978-1-873671-30-6
Format: Paperback/Original/Non-Fiction
Price: U.S./$12.00
Available August 2006
Copyright 2006 by Xenia Ruiz

SELF-PUBLISHING 101 – STAGE TWO

2006-07-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

07.25.06
I RECEIVED A call from Morris Publishing stating that my books were ready for shipment and that I need to contact them regarding the final installment. I called back but the office was called so I left a message giving them authorization to charge the balance. The final cost was: $968.00.

MEANWHILE, I HAVE been working on the marketing/promotion aspect, including:
1) Press release
2) Press kit
3) Book Party
4) Invitations to Events (2006 Barrio Art Fest)
5) Postcards
6) Possible lecture/workshop on self-publishing

THIS SELF-PUBLISHING business is no joke.

07.26.06
I GOT AN e-mail from Morris confirming my books are scheduled to be delivered by Friday, July 28—tomorrow! I have to remember to leave the UPS guy a note because he’s been known to not ring the doorbell or knock hard enough in the past. I’m so-o-o excited!

IN OTHER PUBLISHING news, I got an e-mail from my new agent telling me the contracts are on the way—YAY!

SCHOOL NEWS: THE semester is almost over – woo-hoo! I have one more paper to go (10 pages), a presentation (eww! dreading that), and a book critique. All in all, this second semester hasn’t been that bad, despite my earlier complaints. The professors seemed just as anxious as we were to get the semester over with.

UPDATE ON THE “NY” AGENT

2006-07-20T19:03:00.000-05:00

[Me posing on my son's car, 4th of July, 2006]

07.12.06
I RECEIVED A message from the NY agent. Wouldn’t you know this was the day I left my cell phone at home—AND it was on “silent”? The message stated that she was sorry she’s been out of touch and that things were crazy at the office, but productive and she still wants to talk to me. I tried to call her back but I got her voice mail so I left a message.

07.20.06
JUST AS I’M wondering why “my” agent hasn’t contacted me, she called today just as my lunch hour was starting. She began by apologizing for being out of touch & insisted she’s a very hands-on agent, but it’s their busy submission season. It turns out she’s not really in NY, she runs the LA office, which is intricately connected to the San Fran & NY offices; she’s only in NY for about 35% of her time. She talked about the agency, about her books, her husband, about her vision for the authors she represents, particularly the ethnic authors. I told her about ITPIHOY’s odyssey and “history of rejection” and she didn’t seem fazed at all. She talked about the boom in Latino lit and how it’s going to really change in the next five years. We talked (mostly her) for my entire lunch hour, which was nice.

SHE'S VERY DOWN-to-earth, very straightforward. I like the fact that she’s an author and that her husband is one, because she knows where I’m coming from. I like the fact that she represents many Latino and other ethnic authors and she’s passionate about representing them. I like the fact that she said she views the agent-client as a real relationship and that if there’s anything I need, if I feel I’m not hearing from her, all I have to do is shoot her an e-mail.

AS WE’RE TALKING, she got a call on her other phone from one of the authors I met down at the Chica Lit Club Fiesta (who lives in CA), whose novel just came out last month. They made plans for lunch while I listened jealously on my end (I skipped lunch today), dreaming of the day I’ll get to go to LA & meet her, hopefully to “do lunch with my agent.”

ALL IN ALL, I felt good about our conversation. She’s very expressive, and she had a lot of helpful suggestions on how to improve ITPIHOY, which I liked, and I’m already thinking about how I can make it better.

I’M SUPPOSED TO be getting a contract in the mail and she said that we’re looking at early to mid-September as far as submitting ITPIHOY to different publishers. Can you hear the bidding wars? (LOL!)

SELF-PUBLISHING 101 - STAGE ONE

2006-07-12T12:20:00.000-05:00

MY EFFORTS TO document my journey into self-publishing step-by-step have been hampered by everyday events. As much as I’ve tried to document everything, it’s been impossible because I find that time is passing by so quickly—so much to do, so little time. I’m behind in my reading in school (ditched a couple of classes--horrors!), I have about two assignments I haven’t done, my house is a mess, and I’m inundated at work.

04.28.06 – I APPLIED FOR the Copyright and ISBN on line. The fees were $30.00, less than Morris Publishing charges.

06.24.06 – I MAILED OFF the application for the copyright application, along with a draft, bounded copy of the manuscript to the Library of Congress. The fee was $30.00.

06.26.06 – I SUBMITTED THE manuscript to Morris Publishing—WOO-HOO! Thanks to my favorite cousin and all-around great guy, Luis, who has the Adobe Writer software on his computer, I was able to use the company’s instructions on how to create a PDF file, and send the file electronically (the wonders of the computer age) before sending the hard copy. For this, Luis gets a free copy of the book (this is the only free copy I’m giving out; everybody else is going to have to pay this time around).

SINCE I COULDN’T understand the on-line application process regarding the UPC bar code, I’m having Morris apply for me ($20.00).

07.03.06 – TODAY, I RECEIVED the cover proof of my book (the one above is the preliminary one I did on my own) and the page proofs via FedEx. I had received an e-mail message telling me that the package had been sent on 6/30/06 so I thought I was going to miss the FedEx guy, but instead of leaving a note telling me he would return, he stuffed it (literally) into my mailbox; I could hardly get it out. The manuscript wasn’t damaged and I should’ve been miffed, but I was just glad I wouldn’t have to wait an additional day.

I FOUND THREE minor errors, which I should have caught before submitting the book, considering how many times I looked at the manuscript. But nevertheless, I have a chance to correct them before the book is actually printed. There is a fee of $1.00 per page, which isn’t bad. I have to return the proofs in three days.

ALL IN ALL, I’m very pleased with the cover, considering that even with a traditional publisher you have no say-so in the cover design. Although the cover is a “stock” design, it looks good with my title on it, and I feel like I had “choice” in the cover. The only error was that they didn’t italicize Boricua Morena. I showed it off to some of my family members at our 4th of July barbeque and they liked it, for the most part. Ordinarily, a major publisher will ask you not to show the cover to anyone because they’re afraid someone may “steal” the concept. It’s quite possible that someone may use the same cover for their book, but that’s the chance you take when you use a stock cover. I’m still excited.

07.06.07 – I SENT THE cover and page proofs back to Morris via UPS Next Day. I didn’t ask for a second proof because if I do, I know I will find more errors and at this point, it just isn’t that serious. If I decide to publish it with a small press later on, they can edit it then.

IN OTHER NEWS, I heard from the NY agent and I thought we had an appointment for a phone conference last Friday (06/30/06), but we didn’t connect. She’s interested in why the book didn’t sell the first time, but she said she’s had stuff that wasn’t accepted so this isn’t a problem. Wait ‘til I tell her that this is actually the second time it didn’t sell and that this is a ten-year odyssey.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHOOSE ME! [or is it HAPPY ANNIVERSARY?]

2006-06-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

ON TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 2006, Choose Me turned one year old. Unlike horse and dog years, in book terms, one year is old for a book. Everything that is supposed to happen to a book has to happen in that first year—according to the publishers. The first week’s sales determine whether the book will be a bestseller or not. Mine was not--at least not according to the publishing world's terms.

NONE OF THIS matters to me. At the last minute, I decided to have a birthday dinner for Choose Me. I made a quickee Publisher postcard invitation and passed it out at the graduation party of one of my little cousins (who are more like nieces and nephews to me). I even made a homemade birthday hat for the book :).

EIGHTEEN MEMBERS OF my family—from my four-year-old grand-nephew to my 64-year-old favorite aunt who just had back surgery last week and was still in pain—joined me for dinner at Café Central, one of the restaurants featured in the book. We talked, we laughed, and we ate—not in any particular order. I quizzed them with a question on the book: Who did Eva have lunch with at Cafe Central in the book? Nobody passed but that’s okay. (Eva has lunch with Maya and Simone after she runs into Adam for the first time after their break-up.)

CAFE CENTRAL IS a Puerto Rican restaurant which has been in existence since 1950. It has survived despite the closings of many of the mom-and-pop businesses in the area and the current gentrification. They have the best jibaritos (delicious steak sandwich with plantains in place of bread, onions, lettuce & tomatoes) and my sisters and I used to frequent it when we worked nearby. While the owner of the restaurant has never spoken to us, the waitress asked who’s birthday it was and congratulated me. Even on Tuesday, he passed by our pushed-together five tables several times and never once asked how things were. Some would consider this rude but I just chalk it up to his ignorance about restaurant etiquette—even though he’s been in business for 56 years. Why am I giving this restaurant free publicity despite the owner’s "lack of knowledge?" Because I have great memories of the place. And now I have even more.

I AM BLESSED with a wonderful, supportive family. They all came out to support a silly little thing like the anniversary of my book, coming straight from work, or after taking care of kids all day long, or while recuperating from back surgery--pillow, pain--killers and all. They understood that I couldn’t foot the bill and all chipped in. One day I will treat them all to a “thank-you party”--one day.

AT THE END of the evening, my family offered a few words of encouragement and pieces of advice. My cousin, Elvia, said that even if the book didn’t sell a lot of copies, everyone’s still proud of me; my aunt asked that my next book be in Spanish so she could read it (yuh, okay, that’s going to take me a while); and my super-Christian uncle gave me the title for a future book: Looking for a Few Holy Men. I told him I only needed one(!); they all thought that was funny.

Thanks, Familia! Love ya! Thanks for making Choose Me a bestseller in your hearts!

STOP. KILLING. PEOPLE.

2006-06-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

STOP. KILLING. PEOPLE.

Two years ago to the day, June 3, 2006, my 20-year-old nephew, Radames Rivera, was killed by gun violence. He left behind a grieving mother, my sister, Janet, a loving little brother, and countless uncles, cousins and other family relatives. I didn’t know my nephew very well because I met him late in life after discovering that I had another sister and brother. His death nonetheless affected me as if it had been my own child. Whom among us hasn’t feel a mother’s pain at the loss of a child.

Last Saturday morning, I participated in the Alliance of Logan Square Organization’S (A.L.S.O.) 11th Annual Walk for Peace in Chicago. Each year, this walk commemorates the lives lost to gun violence in various police districts in Chicago. As the walk wound through the streets where I once lived, across the streets where I drive through every day, and into the faces of the old residents and new yuppies who are oblivious and ignorant of the destruction occurring in this old vs. gentrifying neighborhood, I couldn’t help thinking about how sad it was that the 31 murder victims we were remembering were only a slice of the countless victims who were killed in our “beautiful” city in ONE YEAR, just a small portion of the numerous victims killed every year in our “great” nation. I repeat, 31 people, mostly children, were killed in just two police districts.

Homicide is the NUMBER ONE cause of death for Chicago residents between the ages of 1 and 34. Not disease, but homicide. In Illinois, homicide is the leading cause of death for Blacks between the ages of 15 and 34. Eighty percent of the killings in Chicago are the result of shootings. Most of the victims AND offenders in Chicago homicides are under the age of 30. Put that in your chamber of Commerce brochures Mayor Daley and Governor Blagovich when you're trying to attract businesses and new residents to our fair city and state. Think about that when you’re grappling with the city and state budgets.

I cried as my sister spoke of a mother’s pain, anger and hope. I prayed for all the mothers who have had to endure this unnecessary trauma. And I prayed that I would never feel such pain. I cried as the names of the victims were read one by one, as other children hung a ribboned nametag on a white cross. When the name of two-year-old Shyania Crittle was read, my heart almost gave out as I struggled to control my emotions.

What is the solution? Stricter parenting? Better schools? More money for social programs? Bigger police presence? God? I wish I knew. I do know that there is no one solution but a combination of all of the above can’t hurt – especially God.

STOP. KILLING. PEOPLE.

STOP. KILLING. CHILDREN.

REPORT FROM THE 1ST ANNUAL CHICA LIT CLUB FIESTA--FINALLY!

2006-05-27T18:40:00.000-05:00

THE CHICA AUTHORS & GUESTS, MIAMI, 2006 (Getting ready to go to Bongo's, Gloria Estefan's restaurant; I'm at the lower left-hand corner in the turquoise top)

OK, so I'm probably the last chica to blog about the Chica Lit Club Fiesta. You all know me by now so this should not come as a big surprise -- I'm a procrastinator! And that's what us procrastinators do.

I got to Miami just around 12:50 a.m., checked into my hotel room around 1:30 a.m. to find I was sharing a room with another guest (author Berta Platas, I learned the next morning). Even though the hotel was elegant and the bed comfy, I couldn't sleep because I don't sleep very well in my own bed as it is.

Next morning as we got ready, Berta & I talked (she's funny), then we headed down to the sunny garden breakfast room for a continental breakfast, and keynote welcome talk by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, followed by readings by several authors. I met many of the Latina authors I've only seen on the Internet (Mary Castillo with a new haircut), Reyna Grande (who's a tiny thing & billed as the new Sandra Cisneros for her new novel, Across a Hundred Mountains), and Sofia Quintero a.k.a. Black Artemis (who is fierce in her writing, beliefs and in person. As my sister would say, "I want to be just like her when I grow up").

During her talk, Alisa Valdes Rodriguez talked about her experiences in Boston, Miami, L.A. and how her Latin-ness (or lack of) was perceived in each city. She has a great sense of humor and wonderful presence. At 12:00, there was the “Emerging Chica Lit Stars Panel” with Sophia Quintero, Reyna Grande, Caridad Pinero, and Berta Platas. I especially enjoyed listening to Sophia, who is a passionate speaker and dedicated activist. There was such a diversity in their writing journeys and genres, from hip-hop to literary to paranormal to romance. This is what I was talking about! The greatest thing was when I went up to have the authors sign my copies of their books, two women came up to me with copies of my book: Christina (former Chi-Town girl) and Tennille (yes, she was named after Tennille of infamous ‘70s duo, The Captain and ...). I felt so special.

Then at 2:00 p.m., I participated on the panel of “The Importance of Telling Our Own Stories” with Reyna Grande, Barbara Ferrer, and Raquel Ortiz. Although I had jotted down some notes and most of the questions had been asked of me before, I was nervous and my answers sounded inadequate and rushed. Also, I was sitting next to the moderator, Kathy Cano Murillo so I had no time to prepare my answers. Meanwhile, my cohorts were jotting down answers so by the time they got to them, they sounded so much more intellectual. Even Reyna, whose English is her second language, sounded more seasoned than I did. I beat myself up all night for it. I know I shouldn’t but I did. (Note to self: NEVER sit next to the moderator.) My reading went well, though. I read the part about Eva dancing on the lakefront and her encounter with the married congero. Everyone laughed at the right parts and even during some of parts, I didn’t really think were all that humorous. I hoped I was able to convince some readers to buy the book. But since I had to leave before the Book Fair on Sunday, I don’t know how many of my books sold.

At 4:00 p.m. there was another panel discussion: “Chica Lit in Hollywood.” My girl, Marcela Landres, was on the panel, along with a couple of NY editors.

The weekend ended much too soon because I had to be back for a Sunday obligation and then work on Monday. I really wished I could have stayed through Sunday, especially for Kathy Cano Murillo's workshop; it really looked like a fun and creative activity.

UPDATE ON THE SECOND BOOK

2006-05-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, I'm sitting at my desk at work, trying to get myself organized, trying to multi-task like I'm supposed to when I get a call from the 212 area code. Right away, I know it's New York. I got people in NY but not in this particular area code so I know it's got to be business: either the agent I submitted ITPIHOY or the publisher who sent me the e-mail. Sure enough, it was the editor at the publishing company who sent the e-mail with the subject line "NY PUBLISHER SEEKS LATIN WRITERS." We talked for a little bit and I told her about the submission to the literary agency, my journey into self-publishing, and my recent trip to Miami (more on that later). Turns out the agent is a friend of hers -- small world. She's Latina and she's so cool, she feels like family, or a long-lost amiga.

All things happen for a reason.

AND THE GOOD NEWS (BLESSINGS) JUST KEEP COMING...

2006-05-23T14:55:00.000-05:00

I decided not to send the manuscript for ITPIHOY directly to the NY publisher who was actively seeking Latin writers. Instead I made the decision to give the agent-route another chance and submitted a query on-line to the Levine-Greenberg Literary Agency. That was May 13.

On May 22, I got an e-mail reply from an agent stating that she liked the tone, language and structure of the story (first 40 pages) and would like to see the rest. This agent is also a novelist with two books under her belt, one of which I read when it was first published. She also represents a debut author whom they are calling the “new Sandra Cisneros” (a great honor in my book). Some people say I shouldn’t post my “good news” yet, that it’s too soon and I may be jinxing myself. Well, I don’t believe in jinxes, I believe in God (sorry if that makes some of you uncomfortable). I have to trust that He has my back, and my manuscript’s back.

Things are moving along with my “third” book, Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl, I’ve already received my ISBN and Library of Congress control number. I just have to get a UPC code (which is so expensive), edit the manuscript one last time (because I’m not going to delay it any further by sending it to an editor), and send a copy of it to the Copyright Office. Then it’s off to the printer, Morris Publishing, which has been in business for years. Turnaround time is 30-40 days so I should have copies of the book in time for the 2006 El Barrio Art Fest.

On a sadder note, school has started again. While I enjoy the camaraderie of my fellow Latino cohort members, I couldn’t help thinking, “why, oh why did I sign up for this program?” I could’ve devoted this time to writing. I’m going to try to manage my time a little better this semester, especially since we have two holidays which fall on Mondays (my school nite). I can’t promise anything, but I’m going to try.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS.... AND NOT-SO-GOOD NEWS.... AND GREAT NEWS!

2006-05-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

During my first and very, very hectic first semester of school, I got good news and bad news—well, maybe it’s more like not-so-good news, as opposed to bad. First, the not-so-good news ‘cause I’d rather end things on a positive note: Warner/Walk Worthy will not be publishing my second novel (In The Picture I Have of You ) this Fall as predicted. The good news is that Choose Me will be out in paperback, which is really great because more people will buy a paperback than a hardcover.

How do I feel? It’s hard to say. I have mixed feelings. I guess because deep down I’ve always been the kind of person that sets herself up to expect the worst, I’m not that disappointed, or sad, or angry. Not that I’m a pessimist; I’m a realist. I had prepared myself for whatever happened. Even if I had only positive thoughts, whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. It was the book’s destiny. It’s just one of those things that happens in publishing, blah-blah-blah. I think that because I’ve kept in contact with other authors, and I felt that I’m pretty informed about the publishing world, that it didn’t really come as a shock.

As some of you know, In The Picture I Have of You is my first book, and thus, my first baby. And if you’re a mother, you know how it is with your first baby (speaking of which, those are my human "babies" above). It is the book that I received several rejections for; Choose Me was accepted the first time I submitted it. So part of me is wondering why this book just doesn’t want to get published. Maybe the story is too sad (although I don’t think so). Maybe it will hurt certain people instead of heal them.

Then again, maybe I’ll have a great story to tell when it finally does get published. Because one thing I do know, it WILL be published.

I have no hard feelings toward my publisher or imprint. It is, after all, business, not personal. I will always be indebted to Ms. Denise Stinson for taking a chance on an unknown writer and for having faith in me. Thank you, Denise, for everything. I wish you all the best and I know our paths will cross once again in the future.

The GREAT news is that not soon after I received the above news, I got an e-mail with the following subject line: “NEW YORK PUBLISHER SEEKS LATIN WRITERS.”

All I can say is: God is Good. All the time.

p.s. I’ve made a decision to self-publish my third book, Boricua Morena: Memoirs of a Humboldt Park Girl, a collection of essays, poems and short stories.

A-MEN!

2006-05-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

My first semester of school is OVER and all I can say is: A-MEN!

SOLD OUT AT MONROE SCHOOL!

2006-03-02T12:56:00.000-06:00

I couldn’t wait to write about my awesome experience at Monroe Elementary on the Northwest side of Chicago last Friday, February 24; however, circumstances beyond my control (school assignments!) and my excitement kept me from writing right away, but here is the blow-by-blow.

(The Monroe Welcome Quilt : You can barely see my name but it's right under the M & E -- for "Choose Me")

I arrived at Monroe early, so pleased with myself that I had found a convenient street parking; I was calm and happy -- only to be told by my sister (who met me there in her car) that there was street cleaning from 9am-3pm (don’t ask me why I didn’t see the BIG ORANGE sign on the BIG OAK tree). So after walking up to the school, I had to walk my calm-happy self back to the car and drive around until I found another parking spot. We were greeted by my uncle, who is the vice principal at Monroe. My uncle is the kind of uncle every family has, you know, the character who keeps everyone laughing, who drinks but claims he’s given it up, who always has a story to tell, etc. Right away, he’s trying to feed us (typical Puerto Rican) offering us coffee and coffee cake, juice and bagels.

I invited my sister (the fifth-grade teacher) because she is currently writing a book about respect for intermediate grades. Her book is in rough draft form (she’s only written eight chapters so far), but I told her that her story was more age-appropriate than mine, so I finally convinced her to take the day off and come along. As soon as we arrived in the building, for some reason, she was intimidated. If you know my sister, this is out of character for her. She is the first to enter an unfamiliar room, the first to approach people in an event, etc. When we go up the stairs, the first thing we see is a quilt with all the authors’ names (my sister was a last-minute add-on so her name wasn’t on it). I was so honored. Everywhere in the school, there were these beautiful quilts made by the students with the help of their art teacher, the talented Ms. Haynes, who is retiring this year.

My uncle took us to the cafeteria where the parents were having breakfast for their monthly “Coffee & Conversation” (great idea). There they introduced us to everyone in English and Spanish. I was not prepared for this, I whispered to my sister. When it was her turn, she grabbed the microphone and introduced herself and talked about her book-in-progress (yes, the same sister who had been intimidated just moments before). I was a little nervous because I didn’t have anything prepared, switching back and forth in both languages, but I gave a short blurb about Choose Me.

Our host for the day was Gail Arnold, a great teacher of gifted students at Monroe. She introduced us to her class (so well-behaved) who were in the midst of reading—THICK books, classics like Little Women (one of my favorites), and contemporary novels The DaVinci Code (I haven’t even read that!). I was impressed.

The other authors were Tanya Davis, author of May I Please Speak with My Father? (which I am buying for my daughter)--she is also a publisher; Darwin McBeth Walton, author of What Color Are You? (which was first published in 1973) and Glennette Tilley Turner, author of The Underground Railroad in DuPage County (1978), in addition to a whole slew of other children’s books. There was also a young 16-year-old talented artist, James Steele, who illustrated one of the books that Ms. Davis has published. In addition, Ms. Arnold’s sister was there, selling their 83-year-old dad’s book about golf, the first African-American golf instructor. There was such a variety of representation from the writing/publishing world in our small group, it was almost overwhelming. We took over the principal’s office (thank you, Mr. Menconi!) where we networked and chatted about education, school discipline, writing, publishing.

At 10:30, we were directed to the auditorium where the "African-American Read-A-Thon and Brotherhood Assembly" commenced. On the stage was another awesome quilt by Ms. Haynes and her students (see Freedom Bus Quilt). Once again, all the authors were introduced and asked to speak briefly about their books. I look bewildered at my sister but she assured me I’d be alright. (WHY was I the first one?) There were over 100 students in the audience. Once again, I spoke quickly and handed the microphone to my sister, who once again, took over. She was amazed (as we all were) at the well-behaved students. We couldn’t get over the fact that they were so q-u-i-e-t.

(The Freedom Bus Quilt courtesy of Ms. Haynes Art Class, Monroe)

Later, selected students performed: songs like Ebony & Ivory(!); a Rosa Parks tribute to the tune of “His Truth is Marching On” (unique!); a trio consisting of a piano and drums beat a hip-hop, salsa rhythm; two upper-grade girls played a melody on flutes; and one class sang a Polynesian song.

After a lunch of Subway sandwiches, we were guided by escorts to selected classrooms for 5-minute presentations. In the fifth-grade classrooms, my sister read a poem from her work-in-progress (her character writes poetry) to much applause. Mostly, we answered questions: "Is your book famous?" (Not really; mostly on the Internet. But it can get famous if you tell your mom to buy it :) ; "Are you going to be on Oprah's Book Club?" (No; I don't think Oprah likes my kind of books.)

At first I was a little disappointed that we weren’t sent to the upper grades, but apparently they had elected not to participate (they were prepping for the ISAT tests), talking to the intermediate grades and even the kindergarten class was great (I showed them the cover of the book and asked them: “Looking at the picture, what do you think the book is about?”; “African-Americans,” they predictably replied).

Highlight of the day:
Fifth-grader (to me): Are you Afri-can Ame-ri-can (meticulously pronounced)?
Me: No. I’m Puerto Rican American. But my children are half-African American.
Fifth grader: (wide-mouthed & awestruck)
Me: (thinking, O-ka-a-ay).

Needless to say, by the end of the school day (2:30 pm), I was spent. A table was set up for all of the authors to sell books. The table was small (5’x2’), but we all managed to squeeze behind it and arrange our books and material on it. Despite the cramped quarters, we talked & laughed. And, I sold out! True, I only brought four copies, but I sold out: to one of the authors, a teacher, & two parents -- on of which actually went to the ATM to get money. I love it when someone says, "I really want to buy your book but I didn't bring any money" -- And then they really do go home, or to the ATM, and actually COME BACK and buy your book.

[Back row, L to R: Ms. Arnold, our host; me, the young artist, James Steele, Tanya Davis; Front, L to R: Darwin M Walton, Glennetta T Turner]

All in all, the day was a success. It was supposed to be my day off, but I like when I do something productive what I really want to do is rest. I'm glad I went. Thank you, Monroe School, Tio Genaro, Ms. Arnold, and everyone else who made us feel famous and, at the same time, at home!

GRANDE SOY LATTE, OPRAH, VERSACE...WHATEVA

2006-02-23T14:48:00.000-06:00

THINGS IN MY life have been, as usual, hectic, BUT I’m too tired to go into that now...

Yesterday morning, I went to Dunkin’ Donuts to get a cup of coffee. (What I really wanted was to go to Starbucks for a “Grande Soy Latte” – man, I never thought I’d be one of THOSE people, you know the kind, the ones who ask for a cup of coffee like they’re throwing out famous peoples’ names or namebrands.) Anyway, even though I woke up too early (despite taking two sleeping pills last night; still not sleeping well by the way), I procrastinated so much that by the time I had showered, picked out my outfit for the day, and grabbed my things (and answering three calls on my cell), I left the house at the usual time, instead of being early. So I couldn’t drive the extra two miles to the nearest Starbucks (where there is no parking available and I got a ticket the last time I went...but, I digress)

Back to Dunkin’ Donuts... As I stood in one of two lines, five customers deep (I had already glanced at the lines through the glass windows so I promised myself I would not be impatient), this woman charges in through the door, shouting, “Excuse me! Excuse me!” (very rudely, I may add). She makes her way in between both lines (not an easy feat given her girth and the minimal aisle in between) and loudly proclaims that she ordered a ham & cheese croissant & never got it; she left her daughter in line waiting for it. The counter girl (I’m not sure what they’re called) immediately retorts, “I had two customers waiting.” The woman replies: “I ordered it ten minutes ago and because you couldn’t make up your mind who was going to make the sandwich, now I’m going to be late for work.” (Meanwhile, her poor daughter, who looked about 10, was looking bewildered, and somewhat scared I may add.) The counter girl retorts her excuse (even louder). “That’s why I stopped coming here,” the woman continues on her rant. She then turns to her rage toward her daughter, “You got to open your mouth!”

In defense of the female customer, I understand her frustration. Many mornings, little incidents like this have made me lose my temper. It always seemed to happen on one of those mornings when EVERYTHING went wrong: when I slept past the alarm, when I couldn’t find anything clean to wear, when my car wouldn’t start, etc. (I could go on and on... but I won’t.) I have been that woman. But yesterday morning, witnessing what I must look like when I’m blowing things out of proportion, exploding in public and taking it out on the person who just happened to prick that last nerve, I vowed to be more cognizant to whom I direct my anger, especially in public. For once, I was glad I wasn’t that woman.

On the DJ (Day Job)... The realities of the job are beginning to rear their ugly heads. There has been some tension in the department, terminations of long-term employees in other departments, and client complaints, which I’ve had to deal with. I’ve celebrated my fourth month, but it seems much longer, so what does that tell you.

On Awards/Scholarships Applied For... I did not get either of the awards I applied for, which was very disappointing, but I’ve chalked it up to it “not meant to be.” I WAS a finalist (out of 400 original applicants) in one of them so I guess that means something (don’t it?). Sometimes these organizations have hidden agendas we naïve authors are not privy to. Whatever.

On My Ongoing Medical Issues... I’m happy to say my breakouts have alleviated considerably. Once again, I look normal, though my facial skin tone is uneven from all the breakouts; now I feel like I’m in need of a chemical peel... or something. I went to a dermatologist (finally) & I was prescribed five (yes, FIVE!) different medications, including an antibiotic for the supposed infection on my legs. Although I don’t have an aversion to taking medicines (like my medication-phobic mother), I have a thing about using too many medications; needless to say, I haven’t filled the prescriptions. On the plus side, I have lost weight since I left my old job, and I was even down 1 lb. from my last doctor’s visit a month ago. On the down side, I had bloodwork done & my lipids (cholesterol, triglycerides) are not so hot & my doc wants me to “eat better.” [Don’t I get any cool points for having a normal glucose despite all the sugar I consume every day?] I know I have to cut down on eating out, but I don’t want to cook—I ABHOR cooking. And I don’t want to eat salads, or any of that stuff that entails “eating better”—but alas, I have no choice. I’m not getting any younger. And like I said earlier, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep until just when my alarm is about to go off... Everyone has all these remedies: my mom wants me to boil the bottom (stem?) of a head of lettuce (uh, can we say, yuck) and drink it; the maintenance guy at work says to try this tea; another co-worker swears on this other tea... at this point, I’ll try anything.

On My Continuing Book Promotion... I got an invitation from a Chicago Public School, James Monroe, about participating in their Read-A-Thon on February 24th as an “African American Author.” (My uncle happens to be a vice principal there.) The school is 90% Hispanic, about 12% African American and I guess they’re celebrating African American History Month. Okay, I know, “technically-speaking,” I’m not African American. But I have African roots, and I look “African,” evidenced by the fact that not a day goes by when some Latino passes my office and hesitantly looks in and inquires with a cautious voice, “Jew es-speak Es-Spanish?” (Don’t get me started!) Anyway, I’ll be visiting classrooms and talking about being an author. It sounds like it's going to be fun.

REVIEWS, READER’S COMMENTS & ACCOLADES

2006-02-13T12:30:00.000-06:00

New Reviews
Choose Me is a moving debut novel by Xenia Ruiz. One of the things that makes this novel shine is the diverse background of the two main characters. Eva is Afro-Latino and Adam is African-American but it is not the main focus of this story. Ruiz showed great vision by showing how difficult choosing celibacy can be for someone who was once a sexually active adult. Choose Me is not a quick read, but that’s what good about this novel. This story is told in a gradual, unhurried fashion that gives you time to appreciate the deep love that develops between Eva and Adam. Choose Me is beautiful and poetic, and Xenia Ruiz has the knack for telling a refreshing, emotional story that will hopefully be the start to a long career.
—Radiah Hubbert of UrbanReviews.com

One can’t say enough about Choose Me and the two lives that this author created so she could tell a story about having faith in God when the chips are down. Xenia Ruiz is a gifted writer and I hope to read more by her. She did a great job taking the reader into the lives of these fictional characters, making them real enough that one will clearly relate to them as if they were real in-the-flesh people. Highly recommended.
— Curled Up With A Good Book

[Choose Me is] a good mixing of spiritual beliefs and day-to-day issues. I enjoyed the way Ms. Ruiz handled God, spirituality and celibacy.
— Cheryl Robinson "Just About Books Radio Talk Show Host"

Readers’ Comments
I started to read Choose Me on Saturday. And since I couldn't put it down till late last night, I almost didn't get up this morning (Monday). I must say I am totally impressed; it is well worth the cost of the book. You are an accomplished author. I congratulate you.
— B. Moreno

I want to let you know I finally finished Choose Me last night. It has taken me a while because I only get a chance to read it on the Metra (train). I haven't read a book in a long time because of my hectic schedule but I love your book! Wow!! Sometimes I get embarrassed because I literally start laughing out loud. I was so embarrassed the other day on the train because everyone was staring at me when I started to cry; I couldn't help it. I cried, I laughed and I prayed the whole time. I find myself telling everyone about it. How much of the book it true? Is there really an Adam? When does your next one come out? I hope it’s soon.
— S. Carrera

ACCOLADES
* Named Top 25 Books by Christian Fiction Blog http://www.christianfiction.blogspot.com/

Happy (Belated) Holidays, etc.

2006-02-09T09:13:00.000-06:00

Happy (Belated) Holidays, Happy New Year & Happy Three Kings’ Day!
The holidays came and went and I’m glad they quickly passed. No, I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions (don’t believe in them); I’m just vowing to take each day at a time, and “be glad in it.” Although we never celebrated Three Kings’ Day (traditional holiday celebrating in many Latino countries commemorating the three kings who visited Christ, celebrated on January 6) in my family, I remember my mother telling me about her childhood celebrations of the holiday. She and her brothers and sisters would put their shoes filled with hay underneath their bed (they all slept in one bed). Traditionally, the hay was supposed to eaten by the camels (sort of like Santa eating the milk & cookies) and replaced with candy and toys, but because my mother’s family was so poor, they would usually wake up to find very little, sometimes an orange, sometimes nothing. Now, whenever I hear mention of the holiday, this is the image that comes to mind.

(Oh, by the way, the picture above has nothing to do with the holidays, it's just the current wallpaper on my computer. When I wrote the character of Adam, I had this picture of what he looked like in my mind, but when I saw this guy, whose name is Jason Mamoa, it brought Adam to life. I think he looks very biblical, lion-like and he would be a perfect Adam -- if Choose Me is ever made into a movie. Not to mention, he's not bad to look at. And I am not lusting, just looking...)

ON FAMILY, MISSING MY MOM, AND THE HOLIDAYS

2005-12-30T09:22:00.000-06:00

Once again, the holidays have come and gone. And once again, it was hard for me to “get into” the spirit of the celebration, not in the commercial sense because I’ve long abandoned the need to go broke buying stuff I, and others, don’t need. Ever since my mom left for Puerto Rico in 1998, it has been difficult for me to enjoy this time of the year. Because her house was where the family congregated, all of my days seem empty without her, not just the holidays.

My mom has always been an independent spirit, even though she married my stepfather when I was five, and is still married. Not that getting married means one isn't independent, but when you're a couple, there are just certain things you just can't do. Most of the time, she did (and still does) what she wanted, like enrolling in night school to get her associates degree even though my stepfather ragged on her the entire time. At sixty, she learned to drive against my stepfather’s wishes (he claimed he could take her wherever she wanted to go -- apparently not). She also bought a used car despite his protests. For those of you who are not familiar with old-fashioned marriages, Puerto Rican husbands don’t take too kindly to independent wives. Many of them like their wives at home, even if they aren’t at home with them, and by their side whenever they go out. None of my mother’s sisters learned how to drive; they are at their husbands’ mercy to take them everywhere. So I admire my mother very much for taking this step. When she left for Puerto Rico, she shipped her beloved first car with her (a 1989 Chevy station wagon, which is still running to this day). Now when my stepfather doesn’t want to go to the movies or to the second-hand shops she enjoys visiting, she takes off. When she returns, she never hears the end of it. But my mom has longed since learned the art of filtering out sounds she doesn’t want to listen to, including my stepfather’s voice. Unfortunately, I haven’t been quite as blessed in that regard.

My grandmother lives two hours away from my mom in Puerto Rico so every other weekend, my mom drives to check on her, clean her house, take her on errands, etc. Sometimes my stepfather goes with her, most times he doesn’t. Two hours doesn’t seem that long but since I’m hundreds of miles away and I start thinking about how my mother’s only been driving for eight years and how she’s getting older, I can’t help but worry about her. I’ve taken that drive with her whenever I visited Puerto Rico and a straight shot it is not; we’re talking winding snake-like roads through mountainous terrain. And don’t let it rain.

Despite my mother’s absence, I still have my sisters, at least 35 cousins, first and second, and two aunts and uncles still living in Chicago, most of whom I see often throughout the year. Sometimes to the point that I feel I’m OD’d on family. So getting together on the holidays is not that big of a deal. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my family (especially my many little cousins shown above), taking pictures, and catching up. But it just isn’t the same without my mom. And it never will be.

THE NEWEST ADDITION

2005-12-29T16:47:00.000-06:00

The newest addition to the Rodriguez clan (my mother's side); my cousin, Flores's daughter, Niya (she has a middle name, I just don't remember it). Doesn't she look like a doll?! I remember holding her mother in my arms when I first visited Brooklyn, New York years ago -- I won't even mention the year because I'll just get depressed.

“JUST CAUSE I AIN’T CHEESING 24-7 DON’T MEAN I AIN’T HAPPY.”

2005-12-21T10:50:00.000-06:00

It’s been a while since I’ve written and I have many excuses, or rather reasons. Here goes…

On the DJ (Day Job) … I’ve been busy at work, finally getting a feel of my responsibilities. Some days I feel very useful (like when I had five new home care aides starting the same day and I had to assign them to four of the supervisors, along with 6-7 clients) while other days, I feel like an automaton (like when I’m billing the department of aging and I feel like a data entry clerk). The days go by quickly, which is great. My boss told me I was slowly coming “out of my shell,” perhaps because I've been talking and joking with the staff a little more, and probably smiling more often rather than frowning. One day I’m going to tell him that just cause I ain’t cheesing 24-7 don’t mean I ain’t happy (my new motto). Because the dept is so small, I felt compelled to participate in the Secret Santa—which I’ve never done so I didn’t know the rules, had to have them explained to me J. I figured it’s just once a year & as long as I’m not expected to pitch in money for birthdays & engagements, it’ll be cool. I’ve made another decision not to buy gifts again this year for my extended family & that’s been such a load off my mind. I don’t feel any stress or guilt.

On Awards/Scholarships Applied For… I haven’t heard anything back from the two writing awards I applied for, but I did get the ENLACE Fellow Scholarship awarded by Northeastern Illinois University. So even though I said I didn’t want to ever be in anyone’s classroom, it looks like that’s where I’m going to be come January 2006. I’ll be earning a Master’s in Educational Leadership, Higher Education. I’m torn between not wanting to go back to school & really wanting this degree. The premise sounds good: “instituting policies and practices that affect the enrollment of Latinos from K-college.” I really would like to make a difference in the educational status of Latino kids (the high school graduation rates are atrocious – almost 50% & even though their college enrollment numbers are up, the college graduation rates are very low). The good thing is I’ll only be going to school Monday nites, plus 6 all-day Saturday sessions throughout the year. All day Saturday? Okay, so it’s only six Saturdays out of 52.

On Writing… Still haven’t heard from the editors about ITPIHOY & I’m worried they’re going to have extensive revisions. What if they want to change the format, which will ruin the essence of the story? Am I allowed to reject their changes? I haven’t written anything in regards to the third book, Negrita; haven’t received any sort of inspiration, divine or otherwise. I do have lots of ideas swirling around in my head for my young adult novel about a biracial girl, which will be dedicated to my daughter who complains that there aren’t any books about “people like her.” It’s tentatively entitled Boricua Morena.

On My Ongoing Medical Issues… I had a UGLY breakout around my eyes, open cuts & dryness last couple of weeks. My face & body are so dry from this sudden freakish cold that my usual Oil of Olay is not working. I can’t use anything oily or greasy because it makes me itch even more. But I tried a combination of Olay, little Vaseline & cortisone cream, which I’m really not supposed to put on my face, but I was desperate & today is the first day I don’t look like an alligator. Everybody kept commenting on how red & dry my face has been & how my eyes were so winkled, as if I didn’t know. I really need to see a dermatologist but my new insurance doesn’t kick in ‘til January. Until then, I suffer. At least my allergies are under control and I haven’t caught any of the germs that are going around here.

On My Photo Session… Due to the negative feedback I received from my first author photo, I decided to take a new photo. I had to cancel the first photo shoot (with this photographer whose work I really like) because of my break-out; it’s due at the publishers by 12/15. He was charging me too much anyway. I chose Glamour Shots cause I figured they would be able to work miracles & cover up my “flaws.” So last Sunday, I finally had my photo session and it was as frustrating as I expected. My skin had cleared up some but my face was still a little red so I was hesitant about putting make-up on. I had to drive 21 miles to Orland Park, the only one left in the Chicago area. The make-up was not bad; surprisingly my face didn’t itch at all, but my neck was raw so I hope they can clear it up. The poses were horrible, very contrived & even though I told them I wasn’t interested in body shots, they did them anyway. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled with the results. There was only one good shot & I wasn’t that happy with it. They show you the results on the computer IN THE waiting area WITH other workers and customers looking over your shoulder. It was very uncomfortable. I wanted to ask them if I could have some privacy ‘cause I really wanted to say, “I am NOT happy with these pictures.” When I first looked at myself in the mirror with the make-up on, I looked good but it didn’t come across in the pictures. I honestly feel that they digitally made them look extra bad so that they can charge the extra touch-up fee. When I picked up the final result (which they gave me on a CD, no hard copy), they didn’t want to show it to me before I left. I was like, after I paid all this money & drove 25 miles, oh, I think you are going to show it to me. They did, and I have to admit I was pleased with the result (see above).

On My Continuing Book Promotion… I got an invitation from the infamous Alisa Valdes Rodriguez to attend the Chica Lit Club Fiesta http://www.chicalitclub.com in Miami next May 2006. I am excited about attending this event as it features many Latina authors I’ve heard about, some of which I’ve read. This will be my second Latino event. While I don’t really write Chica Lit, the venue for Latina Christian authors is even smaller so I have to go where the chicas are.

I did an on-line interview with UrbanReviews.com (http://www.urban-reviews.com/insideout-xeniaruiz.html); they also gave me an excellent review (read the Review: http://www.urban-reviews.com/aafiction-dec05.html). I was also interviewed by Cheryl A. Robinson, an author who has an Internet Radio Show out of Maryland (Just About Books), although an audio is not currently available.

In addition, I got a couple of requests to have Choose Me featured in two book clubs: Sistah Girl Reading Club (McKinney, TX) & Reading Just for Fun Book Club (Hampton, VA). The Reading Just For Fun Club extended an invitation to do an on-air interview on their radio station & attend a luncheon. What I’d like to know is, where are the Chicago area book clubs?? And where are the Latina Book Clubs???

I was thinking of possibly scheduling a tour that includes Washington, Atlanta & New York, but I don’t know. I have friends & family in all 3 cities, but that’s never a guarantee. I don’t know when I’ll be able to take time off & to do it in a weekend would be too much. One of my cousins came from Brooklyn this past weekend. She claimed she came to make connections with an old boss of hers who has a girlfriend who works for Oprah & she plugged my book. I didn’t want to burst her bubble & tell her that O is not particularly interested in Christian fiction & that she supposedly already received my book—TWICE (from my publicist & O’s producer’s babysitter). Plus, my own cousin admitted that she hasn’t read the book (she read three pages of it while she was sitting on the toilet when she went to Puerto Rico! — and that’s only because I sent a copy to my grandmother—oh, well, at least she was honest.)

On Celebrity Authors… Nicole Ritchie has written a novel “loosely” based on her life, The Truth About Diamonds. Dennis Rodman just wrote another book, I Should Be Dead By Now. And one of the actors from that popular cable mafia show (whose name escapes me) wrote a young adult novel. People keep saying the literary world is big enough for all of us, but I think it’s getting smaller.

On Getting Old (not older)… I've been thinking a lot lately about my "golden years." I work at an organization that provides domestic assistance to the elderly who want to continue to live independently. When I hear some of the stories about how some of these people live (incontinent, dirty, home in shambles), it literally breaks my heart. Especially the ones who have adult children. On one client’s file, I read that the daughter comes to visit her father 2-3 times a month and I thought, “what a crying shame!” Next door to my office is the Adult Day Center. Every day, busloads of elderly people get dropped off at the day center (which used to be called “day care center” until they realized it sounded condescending) to partake in activities such as domino-playing, dancing, arts & crafts, and I think, I don’t want to do this when I get old. I pray that I never have to depend on other people to entertain me. I pray that I never have to depend on anyone, especially my children, to take me anywhere. I want to continue writing until I’m 100 years old if possible—or at least 90. I want to continue to live independently for as long as possible, and when it’s no longer possible, well, hang me out. Don’t send me to no Day Center, and certainly no Nursing Home.

I want to be like Doña Arsenia Morales Rodriguez, my grandmother, who at 94 still lives alone, with some assistance from my mom, still parties on Sundays (but without the benefit of beer), and still writes letters. I know it will be a while ‘til I reach that stage, but I felt it needed to be said now. I’ve been told I was born with an old soul and sometimes I’ve felt like I was born at the wrong time so I think this is why I think about things other people don’t normally think about.

On Christmas… Last Christmas, I accompanied my sisters and a friend to feed the homeless. Tired of the commercialistic craziness that has become representative of Christmas, we thought our time and energy would be better spent feeding men who normally live on the streets and are estranged from family. The activity was especially therapeutic for my other sister, who had lost her son to gang violence earlier that year. This year, I refuse to be drawn into the madness of over-spending, zig-zaging thru shopping malls, cursing (yes) drivers in traffic and for parking spaces, etc. I think I’ll feed the homeless again this year.

So to my friends and family, in lieu of Christmas gifts, please make a donation to any charity of your choice on my behalf (and preferably not to one that gives Christmas gifts to children who would otherwise not get much; it’s about time we start teaching children the true meaning of Christmas.) Not only am I free from stress, but I’m also free from guilt.

ON TWO EVENTS THIS PAST WEEKEND

2005-11-21T15:55:00.000-06:00

[My sister, L.Marie & my "favorite -- and only -- brother-in-law," Delwin celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary aboard the Spirit of Chicago]

ON A PERSONAL NOTE
On Saturday, November 19, 2005, my sister, L.Marie (a.k.a. my "unofficial" publicist, mentor and "twin") and her husband celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. The event was planned by their daughter and was attended by 25 members of our extended family (which is not even half of our family members). It was a joyous event for so many reasons.

My sister first met her husband when she was 15 and he was 19; they dated for 3 years before they decided to marry. They have two beautiful children and a gorgeous grandson, who I am crazy about (though I'm not ready for my own yet :). Like all marriages, they have had their ups & downs and it has been, by no means, a fairy-tale marriage. But their relationship has shown me what marriage is really about: committment, tolerance, and comfort. And after 25 years, they still look good and young (especially my sister).

My sister and I married the same year but while my marriage ended after four years, hers endured. I do not feel jealousy but rather pride that she has been able to hang on when I gave up so soon. Her accomplishment is my accomplishment. So I'd like to say once again, Congratulations to my sister and her husband & continued blessings for the next 25 years!

BOOK EVENT

Also last Saturday, I had a reading and book signing at the Humboldt Park Library branch, which is in the neighborhood where I grew up. It was attended by one of my dearest and oldest friends, Lizzette and her daughter, Alisandra (also my goddaughter), and Lizzette's nephew, and my daughter. Also there, as always, was my sister. Despite the publicity in the library, my e-mail promotion, and my sister's attempts to drum up more attendees from the library patrons, the only other people who came was a couple. The woman was a young Latina (Puerto Rican) who was joined (reluctantly) by her boyfriend, an African-American. After my introduction and reading, I opened up the floor for questions and the "reluctant boyfriend" was the first to ask questions about the writing process. Then the topic invariably turned to issues about interracial dating. As is always the case with a small audience, the discussion got intense and personal with everyone providing input on their experiences. My sister and cousin, as well as my daughter, were able to give the couple firsthand advice about dealing with the ignorance that comes from being in an interracial relationship and being a biracial child. Although I would have liked a slightly larger audience, it was a pleasure to meet a couple like Adam and Eva in Choose Me.

CHRISTIAN NOVELIST TO WATCH

2005-11-03T01:41:00.000-06:00

BLACK ISSUES BOOK Review (BIBR) has named yours truly as thee “Christian Novelist to Watch” for 2005! The acknowledgement is in the November-December issue, “BIBR Best of 2005” (page 37).

I AM HONORED.

(THANKS TO MS. Angela Benson who brought it to my attention; if it wasn’t for her, I never would have known. Thanks, Ms. Angela!)

IN TURN, I would like to bring attention to a fellow Chicago artist. Her name is Cecelia Colón whom I met at the El Barrio Art Fest 2005. Her innovative art is called "Abichuelas Sin Arroz" (Beans Without Rice), which is like sacriligious in Puerto Rican culture because "we" never eat beans without rice. It's like eating turkey without dressing, cereal without milk, steak without potatoes -- you get the picture. Cecelia creates pieces with different kinds of beans and her art is selling like crazy.

THE PIECE SHOWN above is entitled "Y Tu Abuela Adonde Estas?" (And where is your grandmother?") It's based on an old Puerto Rican saying geared toward lighter-complected (I try not use the term "white" when referring to skin color) Latinos who deny their African heritage. As the story goes, when people used to visit the homes of fellow Puerto Ricans, they would "hide" their darker-skinned grandmother (or older relatives) in the kitchen, prompting their guests to ask, "Where is your grandmother?" In other words, "why are you hiding your grandmother (your dark past)"? Cecelia created several pieces which pay homage to her Afro-Puerto Rican grandmother who, like my own grandma, worked as a housekeeper/washer-woman for rich folks back in the day, just like many African-American women did for centuries, and many immigrant women continue to do today. What I love most about Cecelia's art besides her novel use of beans, is that it makes me appreciate the African in me and the sacrifices that women like my grandmother made. It humbles me.

MY GRANDMOTHER, ARSENIA Morales Rodriguez, is 94 years old, bless her heart. She still lives alone, washes and sews her clothes by hand, and cooks on a fogón (makeshift fire of bricks and wood).

GRACIAS, MAMI (I'VE always referred to my grandmother as "Mom"), for everything.

TWO THOUSAND AND COUNTING . . .

2005-10-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

1,998 . . .

ON TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25, as I lay in bed listening to the early morning news on the radio, the above number was the American casualty count in Iraq. “Just two shy of the two thousand mark,” said the DJ. When I came home later that evening just in time for the evening news, we had reached the 2,000 mark.

2,000 AMERICAN SOLDIERS dead.

AND YOU KNOW what Bush said: “Stay the course.” As if the more soldiers we lose, the more justified this war becomes. Guess what, George? It doesn’t. This war will never be justifiable.

OF COURSE, THE Iraqi civilian count is much higher. And the number of people who die by gunfire in Chicago and other American cities surpasses the 400-500 mark every year.

I WROTE THE following poem in 1991, when Bush Sr. ordered the first invasion of Iraq. I remembered being very scared for my son, who was 9 at the time. Flash forward 14 years later and here we are again, back in Iraq, with Bush’s spawn, Bush Jr. I’m even more scared for my son now, who is of draft age. I revised the poem a little in 2002 after Bush Jr. convinced much of the country that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, but I didn’t change much.

THIS PIECE IS not anti-USA, anti-male, or anti-Bush (alright, who am I kidding?), just anti-war, and pro-motherhood/pro-peace.

On the Eve of Armageddon

If we ran the world
There’d be no such thing as war
It’s as simple as the fact
that we, as mothers
live to see our sons
emerge from wet amniotic sacs
and not from bloody body bags
we’re not afraid to shed tears --
a sign of weakness
a weakness to have them
outlive us the way
it’s supposed to be

heroic words and speeches
about doing their job and
standing behind our men
all brainwashed lies
we got to keep fighting
to keep our country free
hypocritical redundancy
if fighting kept us free
why must we keep fighting

young protestors tie up
loop traffic on michigan avenue
outta the way communist
yells the wwII vet
on his way home to
his 10-room north shore home
with the swimming pool
in the back
I fought for where I am --
It’s your turn
while the vietnam vet
echoes hell no, we won't go
again

think about it
do you think
the great white fathers in DC
care about the brown people
of this earth
indians, africans, vietnamese,
kuwaitis, afghans, iraqis
the so-called uncivilized masses
a people tricked ripped-off
killed off and mowed over
to pave the gold-lined streets
of america the beautiful
it is about oil
and manifest destiny
and egos and pride
and snips and snails
and puppy dog tails
that boys and men are so famous for
and never, ever against
weapons of mass destruction
there’s always an underlying reason

and in the end
when they’re done
playing chicken and other games
with our futures
when all the babies
and their mothers who were in the way
have been legally murdered
because that’s what happens
in wartime and it can’t be helped
when the chemical weapons
and the H-bombs are exhausted
and they have no where to run
cause there will be no where to hide
from the fallout of Armageddon
they (those unlucky enough to
still be alive)
will look for us
who can no longer bear the children
to carry on this planet
and cry
why
didn't we listen
to the weaker sex
sing the song of
peace.

--copyright 1991, 2002 by Xenia Ruíz

Peace out...

CHRISTIAN FICTION REVIEW

2005-10-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

LET THE CHURCH SAY "AMEN" & MORE

The Amen Sisters by Angela Benson is a story about an abuse that apparently has been kept secret for too long -- pastors who misuse their power and sexually abuse women in their congregation. Benson's novel offers insight into this hush-hush world and the lengths that women and pastors go through to keep these secrets. By offering several points of view on this issue from the betrayed women, The Amen Sisters brings to life the fact that pastors are men, fallible and vulnerable, and not the gods that worshippers sometimes mistake them to be. The only points of view missing are those of the pastors, which would have made this a more in-depth read. However, the relationship between the two sisters, Francine and Dawn, and their relationships with the two men in their lives, Stuart and Sylvester, takes the story to a slightly higher level. The Amen Sisters is an engaging, refreshing story of reaffirming love and faith packed with the drama that comes with church-life and the mortals who sometimes confuse the difference between God and man. Like the sexual abuse of children by priests, the sexual abuse of women by pastors must be confronted. So let the church say AMEN and more!

A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF A BACK-TO-THE-DAY-JOB AUTHOR

2005-10-20T00:44:00.000-05:00

[My niece and nephew doing a dramatic reading as Eva & Adam at El Barrio Art Fest 2005 this past summer]

I SURVIVED MY first week of work. WOO-HOO! Actually, I’m into my second week, this being Wednesday and all. Last week went by excruciatingly slow; this week much faster. I can’t believe tomorrow is Thursday.

I’M STILL TREADING unfamiliar waters, but I’m slowly learning my way around the office. I’m meeting with my boss almost daily, working on a new program from scratch, a program which he wants to launch by January 9, 2006 – right! I actually feel like I’m making a contribution to the organization. The other ladies (the boss calls them “girls” -- what is this, the ‘60s?) in the office are friendly and polite. Though, I brought a container of non-dairy creamer on Monday & it’s mysteriously disappeared. And there are only seven of us in the department…hmmm. Not that I’m accusing anyone; it’s just strange.

TODAY, I ATE in the cafeteria for the first time. They had rice and beans (which tasted like Ma’s & made me homesick; I actually called Mami in Puerto Rico, but the phone was busy) and fried chicken legs (which I’m not too fond of). Everything at this new job (a predominantly Latino organization) is such a “culture shock” after working at a major hospital/corporation, my former job, such as:

1) There are only two (slow) elevators as opposed to over 20 elevators (which talked) at my old job.

2) We can’t use the stairwells because of the child and older adult day care centers.

3) When employees speak Spanish (or Spanglish) on the elevator or in the halls, no one looks at them weird.

4) White folks are a minority and the department heads are Latino (including the President, who is also female); the opposite was the case at my old job.

I THINK I’M going to like it here. OK, enough about work . . .

CREATIVELY, I HAVEN’T done much writing, except e-mailing, which doesn’t really count, and blogging. I have been reading more though (see my reading list/mini-reviews at the end). I find that sometimes, it stimulates my writing. Sometimes.

I RECEIVED MY first statement and royalty check from my publisher, which was nice. It showed how many books were “out there,” how much of my advance has been paid out, and how much I have left. I thought I would be receiving the last installment of my advance after turning in the second manuscript, but apparently, I won’t receive it until after the final editing is done (Fudgesicle!). And me, a week-and-a-half away from my first paycheck. Now I know how people who depend on the government feel waiting on the first of the month -- well, not really.

THIS SATURDAY I’LL be attending the Blackboard Book & Music Festival, part of the 6th Chicago Book Festival which happens every October. It will take place at the Harold Washington Cultural Arts Center, 4701 South King Drive, Chicago. There will be many authors there: Victoria Christopher Murray, one of the first Walk Worthy Press authors (Joy, Temptation) and most recently, Grown Folks Business (Touchstone); Kimberla Lawson Roby & Carl Weber (whose books I’ve never read); Kuwana Hausley, whose first book I loved (The Red Moon) and recently re-read; and Sharon Flake, author of the award-winning young adult novel, The Skin I’m In. My sister is reading the latter with her fifth-grade class so she’s invited the class to meet her there; mind you, she’s not TAKING them as an extracurricular field trip. She’s a dedicated teacher, but she’s having a rough year with this class.

ALSO APPEARING AT the Blackboard Book & Music Festival is Spike Lee, on Sunday. Apparently, he has a biography out, which he didn’t even write and he’s charging a $5 entry fee at the signing-! (I hope it’s going to charity); I believe his wife wrote a book also (a novel, I think, with another author). Carlos Santana’s wife is also scheduled for a book signing to promoting her memoir. What is it with celebrities writing books? Okay, I know they lead interesting lives, maybe a little more interesting than us regular folk, but they just make it harder for us regular-folk authors to sell our books since we live in such a celebrity-obsessed society. I’ve just never been interested in reading rags-to-riches tales full of name-dropping and self-aggrandizement (with the exception of Celia Cruz, who is a legend). Needless to say, I won’t be attending either of their events. If I sound like I’m hatin’, I’m not. I just prefer to support struggling authors like myself.

WHAT I’M READING/HAVE READ:

Non-Fiction
Are You Somebody? The Accidental Memoir of a Dublin Woman by Nuala O’Faolain ("Humbling & thought-provoking")

Celia: My Life by Celia Cruz with Ana Cristina Reymundo ("Powerful in its simplicity)

Celia Cruz, Queen of Salsa by Veronica Chambers, illustrated by Julie Moran ("Lyrically delightful")

From Bomba to Hip-Hop by Juan Flores ("A little too academic for my taste")

Having it All? Black Women and Success by Veronica Chambers ("Honest & true to life")

Fiction
The Amen Sisters by Angela Benson ("Spiritually scandalous")

Buena' Noche',

La 'X'

BACK TO THE SALT MINES, BACK TO THE GRINDSTONE, BACK TO THE . . . (YOU GET THE GIST)

2005-10-11T01:34:00.000-05:00

[My newest cousin, Alfred William III (named after his father & grandfather) whose photo I couldn't download a couple of months ago]

WELL, I STARTED my new job today. I’m so-o-o excited. Really . . . I . . . am.

I AM THE new program coordinator for home care services at a community organization in Humboldt Park, which is where I grew up, at least from ages 5-9. I have never lived more than 15 minutes away from my old hood but after working half my life in the Loop (downtown) and in the Gold Coast (north of downtown), working near my home is going to be a whole new experience.

I’M EXCITED ABOUT working again after being unemployed for three-and-a-half months, though with all the book promoting this summer, I feel like I never stopped working.

I’M EXCITED ABOUT the potential to utilize my writing in this job, including a annual newsletter for clients; however, since most of the clients are Latino, does that mean I have to write in Spanish?? If so, I’ll need some SSL (Spanish as a Second Language) classes, because I think, dream, read & write in English.

I’M EXCITED ABOUT getting a regular paycheck again, and I’m not ashamed to say that. If I didn’t have a mortgage, car note, and other “unnecessary” bills, I wouldn’t care about making money, but alas, it’s a sad fact, life is about working to pay bills, money makes the world go ‘round, blah, blah, blah.

WHAT I’M NOT excited about . . .

GETTING UP IN the early a.m. (one of my weaknesses, but once I’ve had my coffee, I usually good to go), office politics/gossip, not knowing what I’m doing, screwing up, probationary period, etc.

MY NEW BOSS seems like a nice guy, young, early 30’s, and everybody seems to get along, but then . . . it’s only the first day.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS

2005-10-02T15:59:00.000-05:00

[My niece and her son lighting candles at Chicago's 2005 Domestic Violence Awareness Luminaria]

OCTOBER IS NATIONAL Domestic Violence Awareness Month. On Saturday, October 1st, I participated in the Annual Luminaria—“Light Up the Lakefront” event at Oak Street Beach, in Chicago. This candlelight vigil is in honor of women and children impacted by domestic violence. Volunteers from several domestic violence agencies around Chicago light 3,000 luminaries representing the thousands of victims affected by domestic violence each year.

AS A CRISIS line volunteer for a domestic violence agency, people always ask me why I got involved with domestic violence. And I always respond, “How could I not?” How can I explain it? Throughout my life, I have witnessed domestic violence and have known women who have been affected by domestic violence. Every time I hear about a woman who has been killed at the hands of her boyfriend or husband (or ex- boyfriend/husband), my blood boils. I never think, “Why didn’t she knock him out the first time it happened?” “Why didn’t she leave?” I think, “What could I do to empower this woman so that she can believe she deserves more than she’s been getting?”

ALTHOUGH MY JOB is to provide information about orders of protection, emergency shelter and other resources, I hope I provide much more. There’s only so much I can say in the 5-15 minutes when speaking to callers but sometimes all women need is someone to listen to them, someone to support them.

IF YOU KNOW someone who is a victim of domestic violence, don’t ridicule her, don’t tell her “just leave,” and don’t tell her how you would never let a man hit you, just support her. Give her the number to the local domestic violence agency (in Chicago, call Between Friends 1-800-603-4357). But most of all, LISTEN. And pray for the victims and survivors.

Love, Peace & Soul
Amor, Paz y Alma

LIFE & WRITING & SUCH

2005-09-29T01:00:00.000-05:00

IT’S AMAZING HOW the external demands and interruption of everyday life affect my writing life, especially when I’m motivated to write.

THESE DAYS MY life is filled with applying for jobs on the net, filling out applications, e-mailing my resume and cover letter, receiving “rejection” e-mails/letters (from potential employers, not publishers), basically, sending out more than receiving. I’m constantly revising my resume to fit the job descriptions so that now I have at least five different versions, from an administrative one, to one concentrating on a career change to social services, to one specifically geared for Latino/African American organizations or so-called “underserved” populations. I receive daily job reminders from Careerbuilder.com & Idealist.org. But so far, I’ve only gotten one reply from a job at Careerbuilder & one from Idealist.

THE TWO PLACES who have called me for interviews were jobs for which I received a forwarded e-mail (Latinos United) & that I physically walked into and applied for (Casa Centrál). Which goes to show that the good old-fashioned job-hunting ways are still effective (word of mouth & walk-ins), maybe more effective. In fact, I have a second interview with the VP at Casa Centrál tomorrow, which I’m feeling optimistic about. Everyone’s telling me this job is mine, but they could be down to two candidates and need a tie-breaker.

I ALSO TOOK two civil service exams at the State of Illinois. The exam claims to test your interpersonal, critical-thinking, and reading comprehension skills, but I think it tests your frustration level. They ask you these obscure questions which could be stated so much simpler. I’m sure people who test well and others who are used to taking standardized tests don’t have a problem with these tests. But I call them rompe cabezas, which means “puzzle” in Spanish, but literally translated means “head-breaker.” I could not wait to finish the exam (both times) and just guessed on some of the questions (because you’re only given 90 minutes). The first test I took was for Employment Security Rep (working at the unemployment office) and I got a 44 out of 60, a “B” (the cut-off point is 52, which translates to an “A”). Candidates who score an “A” are considered first. When the lady handed me my grade and added, “You might want to come back & re-take the test in 30 days, I didn’t even acknowledge her. I was so upset. I wish I would come back & retake that frustrating test again.

THE SECOND EXAM I took was for Human Rights Investigator (dealing with discrimination complaints against employers). I thought I did even worse on his exam (41 out 60), but when I went up to the counter, the lady who had originally met with me for employment counseling last week, congratulated me on getting an “A.” I was like, “But I got a 41.” She said I got a 43, which was the cut-off point for this particular exam (it’s different with each exam). I told her I was shocked. Then she added, “well, you went to Northwestern.” And I’m thinking, why is that people think just because you graduated from Northwestern or Ivy League schools, you’re automatically smart?? I know plenty of people who have and aren’t. I don't consider myself smart at all, and especially not because I went to Northwestern. I'm more well-informed because I'm constantly reading, keeping up with current affairs, but I'm not naturally intelligent.

ANYWAY, APPARENTLY THERE are 7 open positions, which of course makes me wonder what happened to the previous employees. Did they get promoted, or is the job so monotonous they left as soon as they got the opportunity, OR did they get fired for low performance, or are these new positions? It seems like a job that is contingent on meeting deadlines (based on the questions) and you know how much of a procrastinator I am. I screwed up sometimes at NMH but I got away with it because my bosses were so cool, but this is the State (they don’t play). Nevertheless, I’m in the process of applying for the position. Maybe this is the job God wants me to have?

AND NOW, ABOUT “My Writing Life” . . .

I TOOK SOME time out of job-applying to apply for a writing grant. The Christopher Isherwood Foundation Award grants $3000 to writers who have published at least one book of fiction, either a novel or a collection of stories. The grants are intended to enable writers to set aside time for writing. What a wonderful concept! And I just happen to fall into the category. I heard about it from the blog of a fellow writer, Tayari Jones (author of The Untelling & Leaving Atlanta). She posts all these fellowships, grants and residencies/conferences for writers I don’t know if she does this because she is an alumnae of these awards or because she is just genuinely a nice person who believes in the camaraderie of writers; in either case, she is providing an invaluable service to other writers, new & established. In the competitive and envious world of writing, she should be commended for it.

IN ADDITION, I also applied for residency at a writers’ residency called Hedgebrook in Washington (state). It’s actually near Seattle on an island. Each writer gets her own cottage (did I mention, it's only for women?) with her own bathroom and kitchen including a wood-burning stove (oooh!) and desk (no phones, TV or Internet – what I could do in a place like this!). Residents spend most of their time in solitude (sigh) but have their dinners together (I can deal). There are 48 acres of woods, fields & ponds (maybe a babbling brook?). This part of the brochure cracked me up: "Hedgebrook is in a rural setting. There are dogs and cats . . . residents with allergies will need to bring their allergy medications." In other words, you have to adapt to our surroundings, not the other way around. (OK, I can hang.) There are also “non-threatening” wild animals (like “harmless” snakes, coyote, owls who have “no interest in human contact”’ (it's mutual) – as long as they don’t have raccoons and opossum (which look like overgrown rats); also mice, bats and carpenter ants have been known to “visit” cottages (OK, are they TRYING to scare me?)

EARLIER THIS YEAR, I was rejected by two other writers’ residencies. That of course, did not deter me from applying to these. Someone’s bound to recognize my talent and desire. Right? If given a choice, I would take the $3000 grant.

AS FAR AS Choose Me, people are still asking me “how’s the book doing?” And I wish I could give them a truthful answer. Of course, I answer “good” and “great”, but it’s not enough. I want numbers. So I’m contemplating writing my publisher for more inside info (print run, copies sold, etc). I have a feeling what “they’re” going to say: “no news is good news” or “we’ve accepted your second book, haven’t we?”

I FORGOT TO report on my last book event in Peoria. THAT was a trip. I didn’t get enough sleep the night before (as usual) so I was falling asleep on the road, actually closing my eyes(!). I drove 310 miles round-trip, three hours each way (probably more if you figure in the “getting lost” factor). The event was supposed to be at the Peoria Public Library – or so I thought. When I got there, the parking lot is empty save for two cars, and I didn’t see Cheri’s car so I’m thinking, she either got lost, or this thing got cancelled. Turns out the Read On Book Club is meeting at Pizzeria Uno’s at the Mark Twain Hotel – downtown. Thank God, their downtown isn’t as far away or as big as Chicago’s. I had actually gone there first when I got lost. Of course, I was frustrated, but I wasn’t upset. There were about seven people (five women, two men) and the moderator was upset that more people hadn’t shown up. I thought everyone had eaten but it turned out that they had just ordered appetizers. They asked questions, we laughed, and ate. It was over too quickly (sold three books). Then it was back to Chicago.

I HAVE AN radio interview (KISS 104.1 in Atlanta) next Tuesday. The last two radio interviews I had were a bust & they were never rescheduled. I thought my publicist was done scheduling events for me, but I guess not. Maybe this is the last month. Hopefully, I won’t be working by then since it’s scheduled at 9AM (c'mon, people!).

THE CHICAGO BOOK Festival runs through the month of October and features authors doing readings in public libraries, the Blackboard Book & Music Festival on the south side, and other locations. For some reason I couldn’t find anything on the net about it so I didn’t send it to my publicist. I am kind of upset I didn’t get scheduled for anything, but like I said maybe my 90 days of publicist support end with this month. I would’ve liked to be a part of it so I’m going to make sure I get into it next year since ITPIHOY will be released in October. I'm also upset because there weren't any Latino authors (I think, one) and half of October is Hispanic Heritage Month. You hear so much emphasis on how Latinos are becoming the number one "minority," how our buying power is so powerful, but where is our representation in the literary world? Huh?

AS FAR AS my next book is concerned, I got an early-morning call from my publisher the other morning (please, not before Noon!) asking whether I had sent a permission letter to HarperCollins about using the lines from Sylvia Plath’s poem (“Daddy”) which I want to quote in the epigraph. Of course, I had completely forgotten about it, but I’m working on it. I guess I can refer to it by its title, which the publisher claimed a year ago that they “loved” but then, marketing hasn’t done their “analysis” yet. If they decide to change it for whatever marketing reason, there’s no use in me getting permission rights to “Daddy” since the title comes from the poem – In the Picture I Have of You.

I MET WITH the branch manager of the Humboldt Park Library (the neighborhood where I grew up). Her husband is the branch manager at Bessie Coleman. We discussed a couple of dates to do a book event in November or December. We'll see how many of "my people" show up.

I’VE STARTED DOING research on the FALN (the Spanish acronym for the organization which wants independence for Puerto Rico from the U.S.) for my third book, a coming-of-age story about a girl whose father is a member of the FALN. I want this book to be “literary” as opposed to “commercial,” with the flowery language that separates the categories, the one ML said is representative of “Oh, look how pretty I can write.” I was reading Kuwana Hausley’s book (Angel of Harlem) at Border’s and though I was impressed by her use of language, there was a part of me that wanted the story to move faster. (I don’t know if I’ve gotten more impatient over the years or what.) I loved her first book (The Red Moon) so I started re-reading it. She’s actually coming to Chicago next month as part of the Chicago Book Festival so I’m going to see her.

THEN I STARTED working on my fourth book (working title: I See God in You) about a biracial woman who is content being alone, not looking/wishing/hoping for a man, but yet everyone is constantly trying to set her up, get her married, have children, “be happy.” She is a successful artist who feels inspired by God to paint and uses her art to spread the Word. I got part of the synopsis written and the first sentence in Chapter 1: “The first time Zoraya Cruz Lee saw God, she was nine. Her father had taken her to the Art Institute . . .”

SO, AS YOU can see, while life does try to interfere, where there is passion for the art, there is a way.

INTERVIEWING, MANUSCRIPT REVISING, etc.

2005-09-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

I’M HAPPY TO report that I’m feeling much better than I was the past couple of weeks. I believe it was a culmination of the Katrina disaster, being unemployed, hormones, and some other personal issues coming to a head. In any event, it’s over & I’m glad.

I HAD MY first interview in a year yesterday. It was for a “housing specialist” position at a Latino organization, which sounds a little more important than the actual position. The interview was with the director, a gringo (in charge of Latino organization, hmmm), and the education manager (a Latina). The interview felt staged; they had their prepared questions in front of them, while I winged my answers cold turkey. I had a weird vibe before, during and after the interview, especially with the usual nonsense, open-ended questions:

· Tell us about yourself (I hate that question!)
· Describe a stressful situation & how you handled it (UGGH! there’re so many; how to choose)
· Tell us why you would be a good candidate (DUH…’cause I’m unemployed)

IN THE END, even though I told them the job sounded interesting, I was pretty sure I didn’t want it so I didn’t send a thank-you e-mail. There’s too much traveling involved (Aurora, Elgin – I don’t think so! Especially after driving 330 miles round-trip to Peoria for my last out-of-town book signing -- more later); the salary is not enough, though I let them know my expectations; it’s downtown, where I don’t want to work; and I don’t know if I want to conduct workshops. Hence, the cons outweigh the pros.

AND SOMETHING JUST doesn’t seem right with assisting Latinos to move into the suburbs farther away from resources and cultural amenities as the city continues its gentrification movement. I used to think my sister was crazy when she talked about a conspiracy theory to make the city a paradise for the privileged, but sometimes I wonder . . . And I know as a beggar I shouldn't be choosy, but I have to listen to my gut instinct, right?

WELL, I MAILED the manuscript for my second book (ITPIHOY -- sounds like an Indian word, don't it?) to the publisher on August 19. When the publisher called 2½ weeks later, I didn’t want to answer the phone because I was sure it was bad news. So I let the call go to voice mail & didn’t call her back until the next day. Although her first words about the story were, “depressing, isn’t it?” she didn’t have many changes, which was good. (I countered the “depressing” comment by proclaiming it was more "serious" than CM.) When she asked when I could return two copies of the manuscript (plus the files on disk) with the changes, I told her the following week (this week). Of course, Murphy's Law decided to make an appearance & everything started happening this week. The temp agency I signed up with called me with an assignment. Then I got an e-mail and a call from two potential jobs I applied to (the first interview was the weird-vibe one from yesterday; the second I have on Monday).

WEDNESDAY (9/14) I get this e-mail from my publisher telling me that time is running out & if she doesn’t get the revised manuscript “really, really soon,” she would have to move it to another season. Right now, it’s scheduled for Fall/Winter 2006. So I started rushing, making the changes, editing, proofreading until I finally printed it out on both printers. And as Murphy’s Law would have it, the laser printer hooked up to my laptop starts acting stupid (not only is the ink running out but the paper tray won’t shut all the way -- UGGHH!), so I have to save the file to the jump drive and print it from the deskjet on my PC, which was acting stupid the last time. I only have time to print half of the manuscript before I leave for my interview. When I return in the afternoon, I finish printing out the rest. To make a long story short, I sent it out Express mail & made the deadline. (YEA! & AMEN!)

WHAT I HOPE FOR . . .

2005-09-09T01:35:00.000-05:00

IT’S BEEN A couple of weeks since my last entry. Haven’t felt much like writing, or typing, or blogging . . . (notice my lack of pronouns throughout, a reflection of my disconnect & discontent).

SPENT MOST OF the past few days applying for jobs online (City of Chicago, Cook County). Dropped off several applications downtown, one at Accessor’s Office for a Training Coordinator position, two at Chicago Public Schools; one for Career/College Coach (which I would love to do); the other for an Admin Asst job (which I don’t want to do, but it had to do with calling substitutes -- better calling for substitutes than being one).

(But as each day goes by, I find myself being thankful for having the ability to apply for ANY job, considering the suffering down south in the aftermath of Katrina.)

TWO WEEKS AGO, I got a letter from unemployment advising me that I had exhausted my employment benefits so that kind of bummed me out a little (actually a lot). Got a little depressed, though I referred to it as a “disconnected” feeling because I don’t want to lay claim to depression. I was kind of getting used to that measly little supplemental income, so I know it’s time for me to get a job. (Actually, in the interim, I came down with a cold/bronchitis thing—seems like a recurrence of an earlier sickness.)

(But as another week comes to a close, I find myself feeling less and less sorry for myself, considering the people who are still holding out in deplorable, unhealthy conditions down South, and the many sick/dying babies & elderly people in hospitals in the aftermath of Katrina.)

OUT OF ALL the jobs I’ve posted for so far, the only one I’d really like was the “Victims Witness Specialist Bilingual” (I’m not kidding, that’s the job title—sounds weird). But it has to do with victims of domestic violence & other crimes, which is right up my alley. I’m qualified for it, and the office is at 13th & Michigan, which is far enough away from “the Loop” so that I’d be away from that madhouse (UUGGHH!), which is where I had to drop off the applications for CPS. I DO NOT want to work downtown; I hate walking down those busy sidewalks with all those people; it was like I couldn’t breathe! I last worked there last in 1985 and the only way I’d go back there is worse-case-scenario—if nothing else becomes available (which is what it’s beginning to look like).

(But thinking back, I find myself feeling blessed that I was able to walk the streets of the Loop through the rushing crowd instead of wading through waist-deep stagnant water, smelling human waste and decomposed bodies, like the people in the aftermath of Katrina.)

BEEN THINKING ABOUT my third novel – just thinking about it mind you. Not actually doing anything about it. It’s in the skeleton stages, yet I’ve set a deadline of finishing it by 2006. I have the prelim jacket blurb written, and several chapters which total 22,000 words. I want to work on it, but I’m just not motivated. Is it my procrastination? Is it that I’m bored with the book? Is it that I’m becoming slightly disillusioned by this whole writing/publishing thing? Is it the Katrina disaster? Maybe a combination of all of the above. Does this mean I’m not passionate about my art? I don’t think so.

(But as I surf from channel to channel, the “dilemma” of working on a novel pales in comparison to what is going to happen to the displaced people in the aftermath of Katrina, after the waters recede, when life returns to “normal” – if/when it ever does.)

AS MY MONTHLY bills pile up, I just let them pile up, waiting ‘til the last possible moment to pay them (as if more money will appear as the days go by). And as I deposit my last unemployment check and my savings account slowly depletes, I avoid driving unnecessarily so I don’t have to purchase the ridiculously expensive gas, eat out (and “in”) less, and use my pennies when making purchases as if not breaking my dollar bills will make them last longer.

(And as each news broadcast pulls at me for donations for the Katrina victims especially the Red Cross, I finally pull out my credit card and give a little of what little I have left.)

WHAT I HOPE . . .

I HOPE “the whole world is watching” & they finally see a part of America that is not regularly on the media (i.e. celebrities, rap stars, politicians that don’t represent the majority of us).

I HOPE they see that just because we are purported to be the richest country in the world, that that wealth is not equitably shared by a huge segment of the population.

I HOPE they see we are a nation that spends too much money on the rich, and never enough on the poor.

I HOPE they see we are a nation whose priorities are screwed up, which was led to a foreign war by one of the biggest lies of the 21st century, when all along we’ve yet to win the war on poverty, drugs & guns at home.

AND I HOPE that the president who was erroneously voted into office by the misguided, so-called Right finally looks into the sewage-filled/oil-slicked/corpse-ridden Gulf Coast waters, sees his reflection, and resigns.

I CAN ONLY hope . . . and pray.

love, peace & soul
amor, paz y alma
(as always, in the strongest spiritual sense, not a lá Soul Train)

A HALLMARK MOMENT

2005-08-27T01:15:00.000-05:00

(My son, Jameson & I at El Barrio Art Fest 2005)

THE OTHER NIGHT, my son came home and as usual, we didn’t greet each other. He comes home tired from work; I’m usually engrossed in writing or applying for jobs online. Later, after he washes up and goes into his room & changes, he comes up and leans up against me, not really hugging me, though sometimes he does. Sometimes he squeezes me too hard, trying to get a response out of me. Sometimes I push him away playfully or punch him. Other times I squeeze back and we engage in a battle of sorts to see who can squeeze the hardest. It’s our way of saying, “I love you,” without saying the words. That night, as he leaned up against me, he bent and smelled my hair. I ignored him at first, expecting him to say that my hair stank, but then he took a deeper whiff.

“WHAT?” I ASKED irritably.

“YOUR HAIR REMINDS me of something. You know how sometimes a smell brings back a memory in your life?”

“YEAH!” I SAID, half-sarcastically (because he tends to be sarcastic ninety-nine percent of the time), half-surprisingly (because being insightful is so out of character for him). But I knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes when I smell coffee, it reminds me of mornings during my childhood when my mother used to make sweet leche con café (milk with coffee instead of the other way around, with lots of sugar).

THEN MY SON walked out of the room without explaining what the smell of my hair reminded him of, and I didn’t ask. He probably forgot about this little moment the minute he went back into his room, but I will always remember it. Somewhere down the line, it will make its way into my writing.

NOT JUST ABOUT FRITURAS AND REGGAETON

2005-08-23T14:59:00.000-05:00

THE EL BARRIO Art Fest 2005 was a truly awesome experience, one of the best events of my book tour so far. The music was fantastic, the spoken word/poetry pieces were powerful, and the art exhibits were excellent. The Fest took me back home to my raices and I was honored to be in the presence of such talent. It was wonderful to interact with participants and fellow artists, especially mi gente.

I HAD A Free Book Giveaway raffle (free) for Choose Me. Elisa Ortiz was the lucky winner! In addition, I sold several copies of Choose Me. One potential customer (African American guy with a Latina mate) wanted to purchase a copy – with a hundred-dollar bill! But alas, I could not find anyone with change (the Fest was free). I told him he could purchase the book at any bookstore, or online and he said, “but it won’t be signed by you.” (Sweet, or as Boricuas like to say, “que lindo.”)

I HAD COMMISSIONED an artist to air-brush the Choose Me cover art on T-shirts (for promotional purposes only). I met Mr. Turtel Onli, a Hyde Park “rhythmistic” artist, at an art festival (Palmer Square Art Fest) the previous Saturday. My sisters, niece and nephew all wore the T-shirts. We got a lot of compliments, attention, and people who expressed an interest in purchasing a T-shirt.

I SINCERELY HOPE the participants will continue to support the Puerto Rican arts and cultural community. It was a chance to experience the diversity of Puerto Rican culture and prove that we are not just about frituras and reggaeton. (I feel a poem coming on—see end of entry.)

THERE WAS A photographer who wants to feature me in a photography book on positive images of Latinos. She started off by asking me if I read in Spanish, and I replied, “Bien slowly” (her release forms were in Spanish). So she proceeds to tell me about her book, which sounds like a great concept. I was like, “where do I sign up?” even when she said she couldn’t pay me. I told her I didn’t care, I would be honored to participate in such a project (by the way, she bought the book).

AFTER BEING AT the Fest for 8 hours (artists had to be there two hours prior to start time), my body ached as if I had run a marathon. Maybe it was sitting for long stretches of time, with no food except two coconut ice creams, but I woke up so tired Sunday morning that I didn’t want to go anywhere. I even let my daughter use the car to go to work—so you KNOW I was tired!

THANKS TO MY wonderful supportive family who showed up (sisters, son, niece, nephew, two uncles, two aunts, three cousins, and their friends), I had plenty of people to cover my table so I could get up and enjoy the music and performances and absorb the exhibits).

MY NIECE, ENJOLI, and nephew, Delwin (aka Toogie) gave a wonderful, dramatic reading from the Prologue in Choose Me. My nephew, in particular, did an awesome job reading in his deep, baritone voice (you wouldn’t know it by looking at his 105-pound body). I’m telling you (and I’ve told him before), the boy should be an actor, and hopefully he will study acting (as an elective) when he starts Northeastern U this Fall. My recently-SIU-graduate niece also did great (even though she redesigned her Choose Me T-shirt to look “cute”).

El Barrio Art Fest 2005

the diversity of Puerto Rican culture
was evident at
El Barrio Art Fest 2005
mi gente, with music, art, words
proved that we are not just
about frituras and reggaeton
refrains of “black woman with the blonde wig on,
black woman with the blonde wig on”
and Pinero’s “scatter my ashes on the Lower East side”
by griots of Urban Theatre Company
and dreadlocked breakdancing boricuas
influenced by the sacred beats of
bomba y plena of my Wela’s generation
& Batey Urbano’s poem of gentrification
& Cecelia’s abichuelas sin arroz
& Lola’s no-face ragdolls
conjured up images of
¿y tu aguela ‘onde ‘ta?
honoring the African
in all of us
took me back, back, way back
home, home to my raices
to Puerto Rico
where I wasn’t born
but my heart still lives

— Xenia Ruiz
08.21.05

Love, Peace & Soul
Amor, Paz y Alma
Xenia

I GAVE BIRTH!

2005-08-21T23:34:00.000-05:00

THERE IS A sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing a manuscript and finally mailing it off. It is something akin to giving birth. After seven years (off and on) of “conceiving” the manuscript of my first novel, followed by several years (off and on) of “nurturing” (revising), I “gave birth” (printed out the final version of the novel), and finally mailed it off to my publisher on Thursday, August 18.

NOW COMES THE hard part – waiting to hear if the publisher likes the “new and improved” version. For those of you who are mothers, it’s like when the nurse handed you your baby and you think, “Now what?” You start to wonder if you will be able to discern its every cry, what the next 18 years will be like, whether you will be a good mother, and whether that will be good enough.

EVEN THOUGH I am trying to wean myself of my cynical, pessimistic attitude and be more positive, I haven’t been able to completely shed it. I couldn’t help imagining that the publisher will have problems with the manuscript because of its mention of taboo topics such as abortion, negativity toward pregnancy, and infidelity, all on the part of the female protagonist. And then there’s the issue that the majority of the characters are Latino, even though there is reference to the African influence on their culture (for example, the husband affectionately calls his wife, Mulata, and she calls him, Prieto). Since my publisher caters to African American readers, will it be an issue?

AND THEN THIS morning, I woke up early to listen to “my pastor,” Joel Osteen. I know many critics have a problem with his “cookie-cutter” preaching, and the so-called commercialization of his evangelism, but I LIKE HIM. He always seems to speak on a topic that hits home. Sunday’s sermon was about “Speaking Faith in your Life Instead of Speaking Fear.” He talked about taking control of the power of our thoughts, meditating on God’s word, expecting that you and your children will succeed and prosper instead of fearing they will fail. He gave several examples of people who believed something bad was going to happen to them (infertility, disease, death) because it happened to their parents and their grandparents before them. And these negative thoughts played over and over in their minds like a bad movie scene until they came to pass. They had already lost the battle in their minds so the bad things were repeated because they were “convinced” they had no power over them. In other words, we give life to what we believe, and what we verbalize.

IT'S ALL STUFF I’ve heard before, things which so-called “experts” have latched on to and used in their messages (power of positive thinking, “I think therefore I am”), but it came at the right time today. I’m the kind of person whose mind starts racing with endless scenarios of bad things the minute my children step out of the house, especially if they go out at night. I KNOW I can’t prevent anything bad from happening to them, but I can help the thoughts that I allow into my mind. So I try to bless my children mentally and spiritually by covering them with His blood, by repeating the bendicion (blessing) of my childhood: Que Dios me los bendiga y los acompanen (May God bless and keep them.).

SO I’M GOING to make an effort to have a more disciplined mind, cast down wrong imaginations, and “stand guard over the doorway to the enemy.” Mye motto for today and henceforth is: “Faith Activates God; fear activates the enemy.”

EL BARRIO ART FEST 2005

2005-08-12T22:09:00.000-05:00

***YOU ARE INVITED TO ATTEND A SPECIAL EVENT***

On Saturday, AUGUST 20, 2005, there will be a special reading (around 3:00-4:30 pm) of excerpts from CHOOSE ME presented by two local aspiring actors. Hear the refreshing voices of "Eva" and "Adam" come to life!

part of . . .

“El Barrio Art Fest 2005”

Come and meet local Puerto Rican Artists!!

PAINTING / Photo EXHIBITS / Body Painting

DEMONSTRATIONS / INSTALLATIONS / ILLUSTRATIONS

CRAFTS - POETRY* - SPOKEN WORD

Puerto Rican Folk Music (no reggaeton!)

PUPPET Show - Children/Teen ARTS & CRAFTS
WORKSHOPS

* Urban Theatre Company will present the unforgettable poetry of Nuyorican Poet, Miguel Piñero

Saturday Aug 20, 2005

12 NOON to 6:00 pm

at the Humboldt Park Stables

3015 West Division St. Chicago, IL

FREE for the entire family!

Don't miss this exciting event!!

BOOK LAUNCH PARTY TAKES OFF!

2005-08-09T01:55:00.000-05:00

[The display at the University of Chicago Bookstore, 7/22/2005]

DESPITE HALF OF the attendees being late (as I predicted), the book launch party went well at the University of Chicago Bookstore. They had an entire display dedicated to my book (above), with an informational flyer about Choose Me. There was a student reporter covering the story for the U of C newspaper writing down my every word as if waiting for me to say something profound (I didn’t). With the exception of a co-worker of my sister’s, there was only one other person in the audience whom I didn’t know. She seemed to come specifically because of the flyer (or just out of curiosity). Afterwards, she wished me well in my future writing career (she didn't buy a book; which was fine ‘cause she could’ve just slipped out without saying anything). My friend, Lindsay, showed up even though she had already come to one of the first drop-bys, and had already purchased the book, AND she biked all the way from the Loop (everyone kept saying “now that’s your true friend”). The coordinator from the domestic violence agency where I volunteer showed up.

THE REST OF the audience was comprised of my family; from my favorite aunt, Minguita, to the newest addition, Alfred William III (poor thing, he was named after his father & grandfather) a.k.a. Punkin-Seed (his father’s nickname is Punkin—get it?), who was born on the 4th of July (10 lbs 2 oz). Even Janet & Carlos (my brother & sister on my dad’s side) came, with five minutes to spare. Not only did my brother buy 2 books, but his son’s godfather, whom he brought, bought one also. (Had my entire family shown up, we would have exceeded the occupancy & noise regulations. It was bad enough when Alfred III started testing his lungs & my aunt started speaking like a stereotypical Hispanic.) Most everyone in my family sees the South Side as a separate city.

I SOLD A few books including one to the cashier (for her mother) who had been left in charge after the store manager had to leave. The manager also asked me to leave 5 autographed copies. People told me I did well, but I still felt like I “shoulda-woulda” said this or that; I feel like I say something different every time & I'm not consistent. I WAS able to joke & laugh more easily since my smart-aleck daughter & sisters kept making cracks.

[I have to apologize for the lateness of this blog. Originally wrote it on July 27 but I was trying to download my newest cousin's photo (he's so cute!) but for some reason, the blog wouldn't cooperate.]

ME AT 2005 INDIANA BLACK EXPO

2005-07-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

(Courtesy of photographer Cheri P Edwards; Indiana Black Expo, July 16, 2005) I didn't notice that my name was misspelled until later on!)

CHOOSE ME Reviews

2005-07-26T20:35:00.000-05:00

REVIEWS
“Quietly powerful, CHOOSE ME gets under your skin and won’t let go. At first glance CHOOSE ME may seem like straightforward Christian chicklit, but the complexity of the characters takes it to a higher level. Eva is particularly refreshing as the first strong female character in recent memory whose identity is self-defined and is believably happy alone.”

—Marcela Landres
Publisher of LatinidadTM

“Narrated in the alternating voices of Adam and Eva, Ruiz's novel mixes a conversational tone with realistic, flawed characters to create a refreshing story of love and reaffirming faith.”

—Library Journal

“Praise God! You need to get yourself a little taste of CHOOSE ME. It is my favorite kind of book—the kind I can’t put down!”

— Michele A. Bowen
#1 Essence Bestselling Author
of CHURCH FOLK and SECOND SUNDAY

“With humor and grace, Ruiz tells a gut-wrenching story laced with sensitive treatment of issues like racial profiling and youth violence. In this top-notch debut, her characters are clear-voiced and well-defined.”

—Romantic Times BOOKclub Magazine
(****1/2 STARS – Fantastic)

“When an Afro-Latina named Eva meets African American Adam, it's far from paradise! This powerful novel addresses contemporary issues including sexuality, gun violence, and racial profiling.”

—Christianbook.com

“In her FABULOUS debut novel, Xenia Ruiz introduces us to two characters that will stay with you long after you read the last word. I really loved the author's use of scripture and poetry to move to story along. But the one thing that I really loved about the novel was Adam. Adam is one of the most positive African-American male characters I have read in a long time. As the novel progressed, I fell in love with Adam right along with Eva. Xenia Ruiz is definitely an author we should keep on our radar.”

—The Good Girl Reviewers

“What a wonderfully delightful tale of two mature adults navigating a rocky romantic road. This author is a brilliant new addition to the multicultural, Christian fiction genre.”

—BK, Michigan

BACK FROM INDIANAPOLIS

2005-07-20T01:55:00.000-05:00

(TO VIEW MY PIC & COMPLETE PROFILE, HIT CTRL & END)

THE INDIANA BLACK Expo in Indianapolis was a success. For the first hour, Cheri & I participated in a Fiction Authors’ Panel with two other authors (it was supposed to be three but one was a no-show). It was being broadcast live remote from WTLC Jazz Station. We were in a large room which must have seated at least 100 people, but there were only about 10-15 people, which was a good thing. We authors were on the stage with microphones in front of us and each of us introduced ourselves and gave a brief synopsis of our books. I wasn’t nervous but I just couldn’t get my words together and almost immediately my throat got dry and raspy. We then went up to the podium one by one and read an excerpt. Since I was last, I had time to prepare a little introduction and redeem the previously skimpy synopsis of my book. I read the prologue which is only a page and a quarter long and quickly sat down. Afterwards, the moderator, a self-published author, asked us questions. Then the audience asked us questions, mostly about how we got published, whether we would recommend self-publishing or major publisher. I kept my answers brief & to the point; the other authors gave lengthy answers. Before I knew it, the hour was up.

FROM 2:00 – 4:00 PM, WE sat in a room called The Literary Café (though we were not provided with coffee or water) to sell our books. I believe we sold about 7-8 books a piece. We met a lot of nice people, and a couple of customers who had already read the book. I came around from my comfort zone behind my table and approached potential customers, which is something that used to be hard for me (approaching strangers); I handed them a brochure while giving them a synopsis of the book. The highlight of my day was when a reader (Lena) told me Choose Me was “awesome” and that it inspired her. When she said she came specifically to meet me, I was cheesing like the Cheshire cat. However, she forgot to bring the book but she insisted that I sign something so she could stick it in the book. This is one of those moments authors live for; not the critics, but the readers.

ONE OF CHERI’S aunts came (she bought both our books) and blessed us with free tickets to a concert that night to hear Ashford & Simpson, Cameo, Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Whodini, and Stephanie Mills. I loved Cameo’s music the best and it was refreshing to hear Doug E. Fresh beat-boxing (when hip-hop was hip-hop). Stephanie Mills was last on the roster, which was horrible considering it was already 1:00 a.m. and we had to get up early the next morning. Man, her voice is the best. None of today’s singers got anything on her, not Alicia Keys (whose music I like), India.arie (my girl), or Beyonce. We decided to leave around 1:30 to avoid the mad exit so I didn’t get to hear Stephanie sing “Home.” It’s been a while since I went to a concert (Prince’s last year) & it brought back memories. Thanks Aunt Diane!

I ACTUALLY SOLD two books to males, which was surprising. I approached them with the line: “Are you married? Got a girlfriend? A mom? Want to buy her a good book?” One guy was married and after I gave him a brief synopsis, he bought it for his wife. The other guy was the director of African American admissions at Wabash University in Cartersville. Cheri and I engaged him in a conversation his school. Then I told him: “My book features a director of African American admissions!” And he said: “This is your book?” I was like: “What do you think I’m doing here?” I guess he thought I was just selling the books for Walk Worthy Press. Then he bought the book!

THE IN-STORE STOCK signings were a different story. While the Barnes & Noble store in Clearwater Crossing had three copies of my book, they had none of Cheri’s. The B. Dalton store (Glendale Center) had no copies of either of our books; however, they both had a sales history which means they had sold. The B. Dalton store (Circle Center) had nine copies of my book, but had no copies of Cheri’s, even though they informed me that they were all “waiting at the front desk.” When I asked them how long it would take to request her books, he said “by the end of the week.” The manager, James Wise, had Cheri sign author cards to insert in the books once they arrived and promised to display the books prominently. (The store has an African American Interest display right behind the cash register.) He also said that if we want to come back for a “real” signing (as opposed to a phony one?) in the future, we were welcome.

WE LEFT INDIANAPOLIS around 3:00 p.m. and got so lost, we had to stop three times to ask for directions. I think it was about 4:30 p.m. when we finally got on I-74 West toward Rantoul. I was so tired from lack of sleep, and my eyes were burning from the sun’s glare, the drive was grueling. I could not get to Chicago fast enough. Even though I was driving 75-80 mph in the fast lane, cars were tailgating me trying to get around me. So I refused to move. I know you’re supposed to move to the passing lane & let the faster cars pass you up, but does that rule still apply if the cars are exceeding the speed limit more than you are? It felt so good to be back in Chicago, even though I complain about it so much, there’s just no place like home. I could not get to bed fast enough.

I WAS PERUSING the Puerto Rico Power website (http://puertoricanpower.net/index.htm), I came across an upcoming Puerto Rican cultural festival in Chicago, El Barrio Art Festival. El Barrio Art Festival is a multidisciplinary community cultural art festival showcasing Puerto Rican visual artists, craftmakers, musicians, performers, poets, video filmmakers & more in the Chicago and Midwest area.

LAST NIGHT, I sent an e-mail to the program organizer, Jorge Félix, about the possibility of my participating. It turned out there was a planning meeting today, which he invited me to attend to see if this was something that would interest me. The meeting took place at the Humboldt Horse Stables outside, because it was so hot inside, and it was really informative. I got to congregate with some very enlightening Puerto Rican artists I never knew existed in my city. There was this one guy, an actor (who reminds me of this deep-voiced Jewish actor on TV who always plays a lawyer); he spoke so eloquently and has recently performed in the play, “Short Eyes,” by Miguel Pinero. It was awesome listening to the various accents (from Chicago-ese to heavily accented English to I-don’t speak-a-lick-of-Spanish English). I just came from the meeting (he had already put my name on the draft program schedule!). I will be provided with a table where I could sell my books & later provide a 15-minute reading at the performance stage. I’m thinking of hiring a couple of amateur actors to read some excerpts as Eva & Adam so I won’t have to do it.

HERE IS THE info for the upcoming festival:
Saturday, August 20, 2005, 12:00 Noon – 6:00 pm
El Barrio Art Festival
Institute of Puerto Rican Arts and Culture (IPRAC)
Humboldt Park Stables
3015 West Division
Chicago IL 60622

FINAL JULY EVENTS!!!!!!!
FRIDAY, JULY 22, 2005
4:00 – 6:00 PM
BOOK LAUNCH PARTY
** PLEASE RSVP VIA E-MAIL @ laequis222@yahoo.com**
at University of Chicago Bookstore
970 East 58th (at Ellis)
Chicago, IL
P: 773-702-5284

SATURDAY, July 23, 2005
3:30 – 5:30 PM
SIGNING/APPEARANCE
Afrocentric Bookstore II
4655 South King Drive
Chicago, IL 60653
P: 773-924-3966

SATURDAY, July 30, 2005
1:00 – 3:00 PM
SIGNING/ APPEARANCE
Chicago Public Library-Bessie Coleman Branch
731 E 63rd StreetChicago, IL 60637
P: 312-747-7760
Appearance with Cheri Paris Edwards, Author of
Plenty Good Room

Love, Peace & Soul
Amor, Paz y Alma

Xenia

LAST CHICAGO DROP-BYS

2005-07-14T01:53:00.000-05:00

(TO VIEW MY PIC & COMPLETE PROFILE, HIT CTRL & END)

I DID MY final 3 Chicago Drop-bys today at 2 Barnes & Noble's & one Border's. I had called Border's last week to tell them I was coming & they told me they didn't have any copies, after I had seen them displayed in “New Fiction” two weeks ago. So I'm thinking, I guess they sold. But I decided to stop in the store anyway since I was in the neighborhood just to make sure & sure enough, there were two copies of my book on the shelf. I asked the guy to check the computer & he found 2 more. I told him how I had called last week & someone told me that there were no copies but I couldn't remember his name. I asked his name & when he said "Andy," it dawned on me that he was the same person I spoke to (!) I almost forgot I was a Christian. I then went to a far North Side Border’s (which wasn’t on my daysheet) to edit my 2nd book (in Lincolnwood) & there, in African American literature, was Choose Me on the shelf. That was a pleasant surprise, though it was shelved improperly under the “S’s” so I moved it to a more prominent display on the side (next to Connie Briscoe & Eric Jerome Dickey).

JUST GOT THE updated daysheets regarding the Indianapolis trip to the Black Expo where I will be participating on a Fiction Authors’ Panel with four other Christian fiction authors (including Cheri Paris Edwards). I went on-line to check out their websites, read their bios/ excerpts. Only two had websites, none of them had excerpts, so I couldn't get a sense of their writing style. They're all self-published so it should be interesting. I'm looking forward to Indianapolis, but I'll be glad when it's over.

LAST NITE I saw Terry McMillan on Tavis Smiley--whoo, the girl was mad hot! She was just going on & on about how her ex risked her life, how she could be HIV positive, how she's more insulted than anything. She went on & on about how he is not going to get any of her money, how he's stupid & slick but prison is full of slick people. Every time Tavis Smiley tried to change the subject away from her ex, she would come right back around to it. She finally got around to talking about her new book The Interruption of Everything (they've run 1/2 million copies!). The only good thing she said was how women think being 50 is the beginning of the end when in actuality, it's like replaying your twenties, only you're in your 50s. Also, she said she doesn't like the label, "Black Chick-lit" because she doesn't like people to define her work (I don't either) & that she prefers to call it "dramedy," it's tragic, but there's humor in it.

I FEEL TM’s pain, as an author, and as an older woman. When I first heard about her younger man, I knew it wouldn't last, not only because of the age factor, but because of the circumstances surrounding their courtship. While the DL issue never entered my mind, I have always believed you just don't bring men you meet on vacation back home & marry them (especially from other countries; "What happens in Jamaica, stays in Jamaica--including the man"), just like you don't take men home from bars. Had she kept quiet, no one but her immediate friends/family would have been none the wiser. So yes, I feel sorry for her, too. Very sorry.

JUST RECENTLY AT my book signing in Detroit, I was inevitably asked the question, "How much of Eva (the female protag) is you?" I knew the gentleman who asked this question asked because I had read an excerpt of Eva's (who is Latina) stating that she had always been attracted to Black men. Also, Eva is a celibate woman who eventually becomes attracted to an African American man who makes her question her vow of celibacy. Since I had anticipated this question, I was ready with my answer. I replied that other than the fact that I had been married at age 19 and had two college-aged children before I was 40 (like Eva), the book was fiction. Whether that is true or not, HE will never know. He will never know whether I am or ever have been celibate, nor will he ever know if I truly am attracted to Black men. No one, not even my own family knows my inner thoughts or desires, even if they have witnessed SOME of my experiences. And that's the bottom line: you just got to know when to DENY, DENY, DENY. Writing, like life, without a little mystery, becomes mundane.

GREAT NEWS! NIGEL from Barbara's Bookstore at my old job called today. When he tried to order more copies from his distributor (Ingram), he was told they had no more copies, so he said he has to order them directly from Warner & would call me once they come in. WOO-HOO!! (I wonder how many copies were in stock at Ingram & what does this mean exactly?)

Love, Peace & Soul
Amor, Paz y Alma
Xenia

NEWS FROM THE MILWAUKEE BOOK TOUR

2005-07-10T19:13:00.000-05:00

(TO VIEW MY PIC & COMPLETE PROFILE, HIT CTRL & END)

JUST GOT BACK from my tour to the Milwaukee area with Cheri Paris Edwards and although I didn’t sleep well, it was a productive experience. The best part was we didn’t get lost, and we found everything quickly with the help of Mapquest. Milwaukee reminded me a lot of Chicago, though not many skyscrapers, and the downtown area was deserted compared to Chicago’s. The people were friendly for the most part.

WE FIRST VISITED the Cultural Connection in Glendale, which is right outside of Milwaukee. It was a small independent African American bookstore on the 2nd floor, over a barber shop. We found out later that the bookstore owner, Frances Utsey, is married to the barber shop owner (cute). We were scheduled from 5:00 – 7: 00 p.m., I thought, for the usual formal reading, Q&A, etc. but Frances informed us that she does things differently. She just has her authors and customers intermingle informally and just talk—which was fine. Over the course of the two hours, the bookstore had several visitors (10), mostly customers who knew what they wanted (paperbacks) or were picking up books which they had previously requested. The two customers who purchased our books were regular Christian fiction readers and knew we were coming & specifically asked for our books; one was a member of the GloryGirls Book Club so I hope they like our books. Frances had about 8-10 copies of our books (I didn’t count them), but she had us sign about 7-8. We talked and joked around, took pictures and eventually wrapped things up at about 7:15 p.m. All in all, it was less pressure. At the end of the evening, Frances was like an older cousin, a friend of the family. She then invited us to come to her booth at the NAACP convention the next day where the exhibits were free.

THE DROP-BYS WERE diverse in their reception, but overall positive. We were welcomed with celebrity treatment at the Barnes & Noble in Wauwatosa. They had two tables with chairs set up, our books (4 copies), and a nice announcement of our appearance (I took pictures). Although I spoke with the manager (Paula Jones) that morning, who was very nice, she had gone to the bank when we arrived. We were greeted by Leslie who used to live in Chicago and although she got paged several times and had to leave us, we didn’t feel abandoned. Even though people paused to glance in our direction, no one inquired about our books, maybe because we were there. Perhaps they wandered back over after we left.

THE RECEPTION AT the B & N store in Greenfield was good (but no comparison to the first); they had our books (3 each) ready at the Information Desk, and “Heather” treated us politely, like we were somebody. The one sad note was the B & N store in Brookfield, which could only locate one copy of each of our books even though the computer stated there were more (probably 3, but she couldn’t tell me because it was store policy).

BEFORE WE LEFT Milwaukee, we stopped at the NAACP Convention to see Frances. They had the usual artwork, clothing, etc. for sale, but we were there to buy (plus we didn’t have that kind of money; after all, we’re both temporarily unemployed). There were two local authors there, grandmothers who had written a humorous “whodunit” called Grandmothers Incorporated. They handed us a bookmark and told us about their book, stating “we’re grandmothers,” as if there was any doubt of their age. I told them I saw their book in the bookstore yesterday but I didn’t tell them I was also an author (and Cheri didn’t think we should have; she didn’t want to steal their thunder). While Frances didn’t have our books on display, she had our bookmarks and excerpts. She did have one copy of each in a bag, which she wanted us to personalize for another customer who arrived after we had left; so it was a good thing we showed up.

I DISCOVERED A Latino bookstore in Milwaukee, however, Peggy wasn’t able to schedule me until August, for a “Meet & Greet.” I wish I could’ve hit it while I was there, but I guess they have their reasons.

I WAS GLAD to return to Chicago (why I miss it, I do not know—and it’s not just because my kids are here). Perhaps because I can sleep.

Love, Peace & Soul
Amor, Paz y Alma

Xenia

SOLD OUT!

2005-07-05T14:19:00.000-05:00

SO I WAS on my way to my old job which has a Barbara’s Bookstore on the first floor; I called the store manager to let him know I would be in there in an hour. He stated that he was glad I called because apparently when he was out last week, the copies of Choose Me were inadvertently placed on the open shelf instead of in the overstock area—AND THEY SOLD OUT! Although I was disappointed that I didn’t get to sign them & meet the buyers, I was glad they had sold out. None of the ex-co-workers I emailed admitted to purchasing a copy so I was curious as to who had purchased them. A couple of them were disappointed that the drop-by was rescheduled for next week; another co-worker was on vacation but was specifically coming in to see me/buy a copy.

THE STORE MANAGER was very apologetic and he is a nice guy so I forgave him. So now, the drop-by has been rescheduled for:

MONDAY, JULY 11, 2005
1:00 – 2:00 PM
Drop-By
Barbara’s Bookstore
201 East Huron – Galter Pavilion
Chicago, IL 60611

SHRINE OF THE BLACK MADONNA BOOKSTORE

2005-06-30T01:06:00.000-05:00

WENT TO DETROIT last weekend for my first Official Real Book Signing which included a reading. The drive up was a trip (metaphorically); actually, once we got on 94 East, we were fine. It was leaving Chicago and then trying to find the hotel in Detroit that gave us the flux. There was so much construction outside of Chicago & also going into Detroit. We left at approximately 11:00 a.m. & arrived in Detroit by, I want to say, 5:30-6:00 p.m. (normally a 5½ drive). Then at the hotel, I was assigned a room, not only by the side exit door (which opened & closed all nite), but by the ice machine (which noisily dispensed ice all nite long; I know it was hot but how much ice did people need?!), AND the elevator (DING! DING! went the bell all nite long) AND the indoor swimming pool (whose door everyone kept slamming).

DETROIT WAS JUST as hot as Chicago. It looked like Chicago, too. At least the West Side. We didn’t go downtown but I saw a little of their skyline—they have nothing on Chicago. We headed straight to the bookstore. Denise was early picking us up. It was great to finally meet her. She is very authoritative, confident and but as not as abrupt in person as she is on the phone or in e-mail. She reminds me of my cousins, Elvia (facial features) & Lizzette (physique), & my sister, Marie (personality). (e.g. When she asked us where we wanted to go to kill time, I said, “Sightseeing?” She answered, “Ain’t nothing to see in Detroit.”) We talked & laughed all the way to the Shrine of the Black Madonna Bookstore.

BEFORE THE EVENT got under way, we talked at length with Nkenge Abi, the manager, about anything & everything—from the high percentage of AIDS cases in the African-American community to not participating on a panel with Zane (more on that later).

AT FIRST IT looked like no one was coming. Then two gentlemen showed up (from Toledo, OH); very nice looking, one of them had dreadlocks like Choose Me’s character, Adam. They were both friends of Nkenge. First, Cheri & I gave a brief synopsis of our books; then one of the men (Steve, also a writer) asked if we could be persuaded to read. Cheri read first, holding her book up as if she was reading to little kids & was going to show them the pictures after reading (I didn’t notice it until she pointed it out later).

THEN I READ. I wasn’t really nervous but I kept stumbling over some words (even though I had practiced the night before). I was aware that I wasn’t making eye contact with the audience but I knew if I looked up, I would lose my place. Then my voice started getting dry and I started cracking. (Later, Denise told me I read too long & I should cut it down—fine by me!) THEN the questions came: 1) “I heard Denise ask you if you were fluent in Spanish; did you have much exposure to the Puerto Rican community?” 2) “How much of your life did you use for your character?” (I knew that question would come up but I was ready for it.) Then I asked the men if I captured the voice of the male character in Adam & they both said I did. The other guy (Adam-Twin) said that although he wasn’t going thru what the character was going thru, he could relate to the apprehensiveness about dating again because he was going thru a divorce himself & trying to gain custody of his autistic son (OK, did anybody ask you?)

AT ONE POINT as we continued the dialogue, I noticed of the corner of my eye that Adam-Twin had released his dreads from their ponytail band & was fingering his locks (much like a girl would) & I just thought, “What is he doing?” (I guess it didn't help that when I was giving my synopsis, I said that Adam was an African-American with dreadlocks & gestured toward him. (Don't ask me why I did that. Although he was attractive, I wasn't attracted to him & I wasn't flirting with him, I swear.)

STEVE BOUGHT THREE books (mine & Cheri’s & the book written by the Walk Worthy Editors, God’s Word for the Unmarried Believer), which was nice; Adam-Twin didn’t buy any, & didn’t look guilty. I know I shouldn’t be perturbed that he didn’t buy any, but I just felt it made him look cheap. As I was personalizing Steve’s copy, I asked him what he wrote & he said he wrote children’s books (he has 4 kids, including two teenage daughters, to which he will probably give the books). Then he said Adam-Twin was his illustrator. Cheri asked him if he had any work with him & he immediately pulled out an illustration from his portfolio. As we were admiring it, a bus tour of some 20 people from Columbus, OH, which was scheduled to tour the Black Holocaust museum on the 2nd floor, came in. As Nkenge ushered them into the seats, Steve & Adam-Twin disappeared.

THE COLUMBUS GROUP was part of an organization called EXCEL which finds scholarships for high school students who want to go to college. Cheri & I reiterated our synopses about my books, they asked us questions, and then we encouraged the students to continue their higher education before they got married or had children. Despite the low turn-out & few book sales (“One book at a time,” Denise said), I thought the event went very well. I felt more confident. Of course, I thought of some things I could do differently next time. Like I’m not going to say, it’s a love story anymore, even though it is about love (God’s Love). But I’m going to say it’s a relationship story about a Latina and . . .” though Denise said she liked that I said it was a “love story and not a romance.”

AFTER WE SIGNED the in-store stock copies (5), we went to Steve’s Soul Food restaurant. Denise said she hadn’t been there in a while but she heard that they had closed it down for a while (hmmm, red flag?). As soon as we walk in, a pregnant woman is being led out, crying, her pants & blouse wet. Apparently, her water had broken in the middle of her meal. Everybody kept telling her, “It’s alright. It’s going to be alright.” Why did Denise say, “She thinks she’s crying now? She’s going to have a whole lot to cry about later.” (Something my sister would say; she is too funny.)

THE FOOD WAS great. I took moderate portions of things I knew I would like; though I got some salmon (which I rarely eat) & it was kind of tough. The peach cobbler wasn’t that good; the rest (smothered beef spare ribs, white rice, greens, black-eyed peas, cornbread, barbeque rib tips) was very good.

WE GOT ON the road about 4:30 p.m. and arrived back in Chicago around 8:30 p.m. (of course, we got lost once again just outside of Chicago). All in all, it was an experience. I slept ‘til 11:00 a.m. Sunday morning & it felt good. So good, that I forgot all about my radio interview at 12:00 with a Washington gospel station (YIKES!).

IT WAS MY mom’s last day in Chicago so we just hung around talking, took the last few pictures. I had a headache (probably from having the A/C directly on me so much). She made arroz con gandules & bistec. I almost got teary when I hugged her because I felt like we didn’t spend as much time together; we didn’t talk that much because You-Know-Who was always no more than three feet away. She’s going to come back for the Book Launch Party on July 22nd & I hate to say it, I hope he doesn’t come.

SO UNLESS SOMETHING new comes up on the daysheets, I’m pretty much free to continue promoting my book on my own. Today I bought a new cell phone & did some planting in the front yard (hostas I got my cousin, Luis), something I should’ve done a couple of weeks ago. I really need to clean the house before the next tour date (July 8-9) to Milwaukee. Speaking of which . . .

SO GETTING TO Zane Panel Discussion . . . We were supposed to have a booth at the NAACP Convention but apparently, the organizer couldn’t afford one so she wanted to put us on a panel with ZANE (the bestselling erotica author) and Denise said, “UNH-UNH! What’re they going to talk about?” so she said we could scratch that off our itinerary. I was really looking forward to going, though. So all we have are drop-bys at a couple of Barnes & Noble’s & B.Dalton stores & a signing at the Cultural Connection, which I’m assuming is an AA bookstore.

I THINK I’M getting a little less anxious now after the Detroit experience. The bus tour contained a mixture of ages and such a large number, I don’t think I’ll ever get another crowd like it. Except for the Book Launch Party which is supposed to have a guest list of at least 50. If I invite my entire family (including kids) & friends/acquaintances, the list will go past that so I think I’m going to have to make it an Adults’ Only event. That’ll go over well. I’m thinking of making a separate celebration for just the family at this dance studio which hosts events. We’ll see.

2005-06-23T01:59:00.000-05:00

WELL I DID my In-Store Stock Signings at three Border’s Bookstores on Monday, JUNE 20. The three stores ordered 3, 4 and 8 copies; all sold-out—woo-hoo. (When I asked why so few copies were ordered, they said it was a corporate decision, but that the fact that they sold out so quickly would probably guarantee a larger reorder quantity next time.) Everyone was friendly & cordial & helpful. I called them “ghetto signings” because I signed the books standing up, no comfy table & chair.) My family & friends kept asking me how I felt & telling me they’re proud but I just feel like it still hasn’t hit me. Weird. About a quarter of my family (14 members) were there for support (& responsible for most of the sales; my mom bought 2 for her friends in Puerto Rico (yes, they read English); my stepdad bought one for his sister in PR -- who doesn't read English-!); my cousin bought another one even though I gave him a free one. At the last stop on Border’s on North & Halsted, I think the manager couldn’t wait for my loud family to leave because we were just “hanging out”, talking, my mom brought me roses & was taking pictures left & right. I’m not sure if he said I should schedule a formal book signing because he wanted us to leave or because he thought it would be another chance to make more sales.

I HAD MY radio interview with Wali Muhammad from WSRB (which airs in Chicago, Northern Illinois & Wisconsin) & it was so frustrating. First, the pager I was supposed to call him wasn't working so he called me 1 1/2 hours earlier to tell me he'd call ME @ Noon. By 12:40, he hadn't called, so I called my publicist. Finally, he called me to say he was stuck in traffic. My home phone was acting up, apparently, he couldn't hear me thru the handset so I tried the speaker, but he still couldn't hear me. Then he tried calling me on the cell & he said I was breaking up, I guess because he was taping the interview via his computer. We finally did it from my home phone via the speakerphone with me screaming thru the speaker & saying, "I'm sorry, I can barely hear you. Could you repeat that?" Anyway, he said it got it. It will air next week sometime on "The Communicator Show" (I've never heard of it but I think it's 107.5 WGCI). Since I don't listen to the radio except when I sent my alarm clock to WNUA, I'm not sure, but I couldn’t tell him that. I’m afraid of telling people because my voice sounds weird on recordings. They're giving away 5 books when it airs. (I went out & bought a new home phone at Home Depot.)

WALI ALSO PLUGGED my signing at Afrocentric Bookstore on July 23 & the Signing/Appearance at the Bessie Coleman branch of the Chicago Public Library (7/30).

SPEAKING OF BESSIE Coleman, I finally spoke to the main Collections person at Harold Washington CPL & she started off pretty friendly telling me how they order from their distributors, depending on whether books have been reviewed by Library Journal, Booklist, etc. She found my book info in her system & said, "yes, this certainly is something that we would order, blah, blah, blah... we'd probably order about 20-30 copies." Since it’s listed under AA lit, they'll go to the libraries in AA neighborhoods (typical, because no one else will read them, right?). So I told her that my book also has a Puerto Rican character & that I would like the book sent to a couple of branches in the Latino neighborhoods I grew up in. I asked her if it would be possible if the books could be ordered by July 22nd & she said she had already placed the order for this month (I guess she thought I said June 22nd). I then said, "The event is NEXT MONTH." So she said there's a possibility she could order the books before then. And then, she just cut me off & said, "Thank you for calling & inquiring about your book"--! I'm going to call the Bessie Coleman branch tomorrow & speak to their Head Librarian, make HER put in the official request in writing or e-mail.

MY BOOK LAUNCH party has been scheduled for FRIDAY, JULY 22nd, 4:00-6:00 p.m. at the UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO BOOKSTORE. At first, I was not very happy. #1 – It’s not my alma mater – why not NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY?? #2 – Friday evening during Chicago’s RUSH HOUR on LAKE SHORE DRIVE?? #3 Where the heck is U of C??? So today, I took a drive to U of C but instead of the LSD, I took the Dan Ryan & exited on 51st Street—not exactly the most scenic route. I could just see my Anglo friends driving down here, locking their doors, praying. Luckily I turned East which was the right direction; unfortunately, I didn’t have the address with me so I got lost, went around in so many circles, asked one person, who got me more lost, finally got the right directions & found the bookstore. I was able to find a meter despite the construction (that’s something the South Side has in common with the North Side). Since I didn’t have the contact person’s name, I was just going to ask the first person I saw in the store but obviously I looked very lost because the first woman I run into asks me, “Can I help you?” I told her I was doing a reading next month & I couldn’t remember the lady’s name. She said, “I’m Janis. And you are?” (the coordinator of the event). She recognized my name right away. So we shook hands & she showed me where the readings usually take place, and that they normally order like 25 books, in addition to stock copies. She said that my publicist stated I was bringing a cake, which was news to me. I hadn’t thought of it, but it’s a good idea. Anyway, I saw plenty of street parking & there is also a garage a few blocks away so people who really want to come, will come. I was glad I took the drive down there.

THEN I DROVE to Border’s on Broadway/Clark/Diversey & looked around for CHOOSE ME. I found it in AA Lit – ONE COPY! (I pulled it out of the shelf where they just had the spine sticking out and placed it prominently on the top shelf, face-up.) I started to ask a salesperson if it was the only copy and then I saw three more copies on the “NEW FICTION” table. I felt vindicated and recognized.

TOMORROW I HAVE another radio interview with Voice of America which airs all over the U.S. and Africa to 94 million people a week – talk about intimidating. I hope it goes better than my first radio interview.

AFTER THAT, I leave for Detroit on Friday 6/24 for Saturday’s Signing/Appearance as part of Walk Worthy Day at the Shrine of the Black Madonna Bookstore (I just love that name!). I am so nervous. It will be my first official reading. I bought some clear sunglasses since I can’t read up close with my regular prescription glasses (but also so I can’t see “all eyes on me”). I’m driving up with Cheri Paris Edwards, fellow WWP Author of PLENTY GOOD ROOM who’s done several readings so I feel a less anxious.

MY BOOK IS HERE!! MY BOOK IS HERE!!

2005-06-11T01:28:00.000-05:00

I WAS AT work when my daughter arrived with a next-day package. It was from my publisher so before I even opened it, I knew it was my book(!) – actually two copies. I kind of screamed out (not too loud since I was in class): “My book!” The whole class burst out in applause. I think I almost cried.

I QUICKLY DEDICATED the first copy to . . ."the most important person in my life, my Rock, my reason for living, my everything. Thank You, God, for Your many blessings and for my gift. I will do my best to always honor You. In Jesus’s name, Amen.” This copy will be framed in a special display frame.

THE SECOND COPY went to my daughter because, well, she is my daughter. My sister was kind of disappointed; she actually had a minor attitude while teaching her Math class (and it wasn’t just because half of the other fifth-grade class--which gets on her bad side--had switched over). After the class, I asked her if she was upset and initially she said no, but then she admitted that she was, a little. But after I talked to her, I think she understood why I had to give my daughter the second copy. My sister then reminded me that it was she who recommended that I revise my secular novel into a Christian novel. I told her I would acknowledge that fact when I dedicated the THIRD copy to her. The FOURTH copy will go to my little sister because she has this belief that she has always felt left out because my middle sister and I are so close (in age & in relationship). No matter how many times I tell her I love her the same, she will believe what she wants to believe (sigh). You can only please so many people.

THE FIFTH COPY will go to my mother. At first, I thought I should have given her the first copy but then my sister reminded me that she hasn’t given me the information I have requested for years (the story of my father). So though I love her most of all, she is #5 on the distribution list – UPP!(it’s a sister thing, you wouldn’t understand).

ALL DAY LONG, the students were asking questions: Could they see (i.e. touch) the book? (You can touch with your eyes.) Where is the book available? (Border’s) What’s that? (Oh, no you don’t know what Border’s is.) Could they buy the book? (No, it’s for adults.) Could they read the book? (No, it’s for adults.) Maybe I should have written a kids’ book. One of my dreams is to write my own House on Mango Street/Catcher in the Rye/When I was Puerto Rican/A Tree Grows in Brooklyn which will stand the test of time. One day, I will.

Peace, Love & Soul
Paz, Amor, y Alma

Xenia

CHOOSE ME DEBUTS MONDAY, JUNE 20TH!

2005-06-02T22:57:00.000-05:00

WOW, IT’S JUNE. . . I remember when I used to think, "my book comes out Summer 2005," then "my book comes out in six months. . ." It seems so long ago

CHOOSE ME DEBUTS MONDAY, JUNE 20TH! Me so happy.

Still working on "the next novel," trying to secure a place for the Book Launch Party, etc.

Following is a list of my booked events for JUNE 2005. If you live in or near Chicago, or Detroit, check out my scheduled appearances in June.

The following events are all drop-bys (which means I go to the bookstores and sign their in-store stock. Although the times are supposed to be flexible, I have scheduled my own times):

10:00 – 11:00 AM
Borders #483
(Norridge)
7100 Forest Preserve Drive
Norridge, IL 60706
P: 708-457-2111

12:00 NOON – 2:00 PM
Barbara’s Bookstore
(located at my old job! -- Northwestern Memorial Hospital)
201 East Huron Street
Chicago, IL 60611
P: 312-926-2665

3:00 PM – 4:30 PM
Borders #058
(Michigan Avenue)
830 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611
P: 312-573-0564

5:30 PM – 7:00 PM
MONDAY, JUNE 20
Borders #564
(North & Halsted)
755 W North Avenue
Chicago, IL 60610
P: 312-266-8060

****************************************************************
SATURDAY, JUNE 25, 1:00-3:00PM
Walk Worthy Day at the Shrine
Book Signing (with Cheri Paris Edwards)
Shrine of the Black Madonna
13535 Livernois Avenue
Detroit, MI 48238
P: 313-491-0777

If you are unable to come to any of these events due to vacation schedules, you can pre-order the book on-line for 35% off (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0446576700/qid=1117769913/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-5119064-0626207)and it will be waiting for you upon your return.

HOPE TO YOU SEE YA’LL THERE! HASTA LUEGO!!

Love, Peace & Soul,
Amor, Paz y Alma,

Xenia Ruíz
Author of CHOOSE ME
Walk Worthy Press/Warner Books
“Told in alternating voices, this debut novel is the tumultuous story of a Latina and an African American man whose search for one another takes a detour through the perfect love of God.”
(Finally here at bookstores everywhere – June 20, 2005)
http://www.laequis.bravehost.com

MAMMO SCARE

2005-05-27T02:20:00.000-05:00

ABOUT A MONTH ago, I had my annual mammogram, which is not such a big deal because I don’t experience much discomfort as other women seem to. However, two weeks after the mammogram, I get this letter in the mail telling me that my mammogram was incomplete & they want to do additional imaging on the right breast, and possibly an ultrasound. I see the words “breast cancer” in the body of the letter but I force myself to look away. So I make another appointment for a follow-up mammogram (5/25). This time they tell me the doctor will review the films right away and will give me the results within 2 hours. Of course, as I wait the 2 weeks for the appointment, I try not to panic, start praying to God for divine healing, and then wonder if my writing about cancer (in Choose Me) may have jinxed me.

AS A SPIRITUAL person, I try not to believe in jinxes and superstitions and all that, but because I am a mortal first, sometimes I can’t help it. Sometimes when I fear something really bad, the opposite happens. Sometimes when I tell myself to believe the best will happen, it turns out negatively. Of course, this refutes everything that faith stands for, but I am not perfect.

NEVERTHELESS, I WALK into the clinic prepared for the worse, but expecting the best, still praying, asking God to cover me in His blood. I see a sign that says “Please sign your name on the sign-in sheet and have a seat.” I don’t see a sign-in sheet so I go up the receptionist, who proceeds to tell me, “Sign your name the sign on the sheet,” while pointing to the sign-in sheet AROUND the reception table. I’m thinking, wouldn’t it make more sense to put the sign-in sheet NEXT to the sign? (HELLO??!!) Next to the sign-in sheet is a woman (the supervisor or manager), who says very pleasantly (possibly over-compensating for the possible bad news some of us might get): “Good Morning! Are you here for imaging?” I want to say, “No, I’m here for breakfast.” Instead, I say, “Good Morning!” right back. After I sign in, I sit down. Looking around, I notice that while the ages vary, the women are predominately white, one African-American and no Latinos (that I can recognize).

LUCKILY, THEY HAVE coffee (which isn’t very good but it did the trick). I have brought my laptop with the next novel, my headphones with fresh batteries & plenty of CD’s, and my prototype book. I am prepared to wait the two hours.

MY NAME IS called & I’m directed to another receptionist who asks my name & the time of my appointment. She doesn’t ask about insurance or the doctor’s order. Then I’m told to have a seat in another set of chairs (weird—why we couldn’t sit in the main waiting room, I don’t know) with two other women, one of whom has brought her husband.

I DON’T EVEN get to finish my not-so-good coffee before they call me again. The over-compensating pleasant supervisor-manager asks us three women to follow her—“No men allowed!” she jokes. (“Ha-Ha-Ha,” everyone laughs—except me. I want this nightmare over with quickly, without the comic relief.)

WE ARE THEN led to the changing room where we are given the same directions we have been given in the past ('cause they're so complicated): You can use one of the dressing rooms that isn’t occupied to change, wipe off any deodorant, lotion, whatever; then put your things in a locker, take the key with you, blah-blah-blah. Yeah, sister, we know the routine by now.

AFTER CHANGING, I join the other women in yet ANOTHER waiting room where “The View” is droning on the mounted TV and everyone is trying hard not to stare at each other. There is no chatting, no laughing in this room, not even when Joyce Baer or Star Jones (or whatever-her-married-name is now) crack a joke. I leave my laptop and headphones in the locker because there doesn't seem enough time to pull everything out, then pack it up before they call you again.

FINALLY, THEY CALL me into “The Room.” I get a very pleasant tech who is very “technical” in her directions, but in a nice way. For the first time, the man-made breast-crushing machine hurts. I see her almost cheer like she's pleased with her images (hooray for her, not so good for me); I want to scratch her eyes out. I am then directed back to the waiting area.

I TRY TO read some passages from Choose Me, but every so often, the pages blur as I start to think about the outcome. I don’t read the passages where Adam deals with his cancer. I begin praying again. Glancing discreetly around the room, I think, “I see what’s going on here. This is a conspiracy. They’re just doing these additional images and ultrasounds to milk the insurance companies, or get money from temporarily-uninsured folks, like me. And so what, if they scare us in the interim? We’ll be sure to schedule our next mammogram without fail.” I find solace in this thinking & it gets me through the next 15 minutes when my name is called AGAIN. But this time, the tech tells me I can remain sitting as she announces (in front of everyone) that they want to do an ultrasound; it’ll just be a few more minutes.

I TRY NOT to panic. I can feel the eyes of the women closest to me looking at me. I think they’re thinking: “They must have found something. Glad it’s you and not me.” I keep telling myself, "It's a cyst, it's a cyst. They'll probably just want to aspirate it. (Doesn't that involve a needle?) I go back to reading—or pretending to read.

WHEN THEY CALL me AGAIN, an ultrasound tech (who isn’t so technical) comes or me; she is genuinely nice. The ultrasound is much more pleasant (the gel is so warm & soothing), and I’m thinking, “Why can’t the breast-imaging machine be like this?” (My sister says it's 'cause a man invented the breast-imaging machine & a woman invented the ultrasound.) After a few scans, the tech tells me she doesn’t see anything, but the radiologist is going to come in & make sure. I am relieved to see that the radiologist (& the resident trailing her, along with all the techs are all women; I'm not a feminist or a sexist but female attention is very important in this situation). She scans me for a few seconds & is also convinced that she sees nothing, just wanted to make sure & "see you next year." Hasta la vista, baby. I run out of there so fast, I don’t even care that I didn’t get a chance to edit my book. I have lunch with two ex-coworkers who are so happy to see me & make me laugh so much, I yearn for the old days. Briefly.

AFTERWARDS I THINK (because I am always a writer): “This is going to make an insightful piece in one of my future books. One day. But not now.”

Peace, Love & Soul
Paz, Amor, y Alma

Xenia

2005-05-21T02:30:00.000-05:00

JUST GOT BACK from attending my niece’s graduation in SIU; drove 5 hours from Carbondale—by myself (actually my daughter was with me, but she was in the back seat chilling). Words can’t begin to express the pride I felt watching my niece get her bachelor’s in dental hygiene after all she’s been through. She introduced me to her friends as “the famous author,” which made feel good, but also embarrassed me. I keep telling people I am NOT a famous author—yet. My sister also has a bad (albeit well-intentioned) habit of telling people I got a million-dollar book deal. I told her I don’t want some crazy psycho kidnapping me for ransom, for money I never got(!). Do I sound irrational—I don’t think so! We live in a crazy, mixed-up world. She insists I should “claim” that statement. I don’t mind stating my book will hit the million-dollar mark, but I don’t like lying about the book deal—I wish I did get a million dollars, but it was much, much, much less than that (you hear that, crazy psycho kidnappers!).

I HAVE BEEN editing the new novel, In The Picture I Have Of You (ITPIHOY), almost daily and I just have to say, God is good. Words are just coming into my mind from both the left & right. Just when I think I’ve gotten a scene down, some new revelation comes to mind. I’ve changed the main character’s name, Dimaris, to Xiomara, because: 1) when I received the rejection letters back in ’97, every single one of the editors referred to my character as “Damaris” (apparently she was some Greek mythology character); and 2) I have this obsession with unique names, especially those that start with “X” or “Z” ( I always have a character in my books with a name starting with either letter). In Choose Me, it’s Zephyr.

THE GOOD NEWS . . . My book is featured in the June issue of Essence magazine (woo-hoo!) on page 106 with the rest of Walk Worthy Press’s recent releases. It’s not a feature, or a review, but a print ad. I feel proud, but not in an arrogant way. I don’t feel famous, but I feel proud, but not in an arrogant way. I don’t feel famous, but I feel my dream of being featured in Essence has come true. Now I just have to get on their top 5 Bestseller List . . .

THE NO-SO GOOD news . . . I got my June Latina magazine issue and I was VERY disappointed that there was no mention of my book. I know my publisher sent them a press kit. And earlier this month, I e-mailed the editor reminding her about my book. We first corresponded in 2003 when I sent off the manuscript to WWP. She was very encouraging & told me to keep her up-to-date. I mean, I wasn’t looking for a full-page feature, or even an interview, just a blurb in the June calendario, or possibly a book review. Maybe she didn’t like the book; maybe she didn’t even read it. Maybe the Christian theme threw her off. I guess I am more hurt than disappointed because: 1) she didn’t even bother to write back; 2) Essence is running a print ad on WWP books including mine, and while one of the main characters is an African-American male, the female character is a LATINA. And then people wonder why I identify with African American culture more than my own Puerto Rican culture. It’s because they have always accepted me more than my own “so-called people.” And it isn’t even about the publicity, it’s the principle of the thing. I’M A LATINA AUTHOR WITH A BOOK ABOUT A STRONG LATINA CHARACTER. Latina constantly gets letters from readers who are tired of their disregard of dark-skinned Hispanics, as if we all look like J-Lo. Why do “we” have to bring this up at all? They know we come in all colors. I guess they saw the “Black characters” on the book cover & assumed it wouldn’t “appeal” to its “pale-skinned” Latin readers. Am I overreacting??

FORTUNATELY, I WILL get over this snub. I have to keep telling myself not to sweat this petty stuff. This is about Him, not about me.

MORE GOOD NEWS . . . Choose Me will be reviewed in the new local Latina magazine, Cuerpo, so I'm happy about that. I’m happy because I met Lissette Calderon (CEO & Founder) when Cuerpo was just a dream, just like my book was once a dream. So I guess it means more to me than being featured in “that” other magazine.

ON A WHIM, I just did an on-line search under my name to see what was new as far as reviews, and Romantic Times gave Choose Me a rating of 4 ½ stars out of 5 (which translates as “fantastic”). Woo-Hoo! I know I shouldn’t put too much stock in these things because if I accept the good, I’ll have to accept the bad. For now, I think I’ll accept the good. (http://www.romantictimes.com/bookpage.php?bookid=25688)

Peace, Love & Soul
Paz, Amor, y Alma
X

The New Novel -- But First . . .

2005-05-11T01:52:00.000-05:00

It’s 9:33 PM and I’ve decided to turn off the TV because I don’t want to hear the news anymore. They’ve been talking about the two little girls who were killed up in Zion, IL (on Mother’s Day) by one of the girls’ father (an ex-con). Not that I want to tune out that kind of stuff but after a while, the media capitalizes on horrific crimes such as these to appeal to the court of public opinion, get the grieving relatives with tears on camera. My daughter kept saying over and over that she doesn’t understand how a father could kill his own daughter, how ANYONE can stab and beat two little girls. She asked me if I ever worried about stuff like that when she and her brother were little, and I said yes, of course. I remember Jeanine Nicarico and the Atlanta Child Murders. I remember wondering why I brought children into this world and not having an answer even though I loved my children. Then because I am a spiritual being, a believer, I start telling her that this is all scriptural, that mothers will turn against daughters, fathers against sons, etc., that the reason God allows things like this to happen is because we (humanity) are becoming complacent with the “every-day” killings of city folks, especially children, especially people we don’t know. When something happens, we think, “Oh, that happened on the South Side,” or “Oh, we’re safe here.” There’s no sense of community, no compassion.

I will remember the names of the two little girls (Krystal Tobias and Laura Hobbs) just like I remember the names of the hundreds of other children who have died in Chicago in the years past.

I promised myself that this blog would be dedicated to a Year-In-The-Life of a new author s/p (that’s “status-post” for ya’ll without medical term experience a.k.a. AFTER ) the book deal. But I’ve noticed (from reading other authors’ blogs) that they occasionally discuss life, love, pet peeves etc. And you can’t help talking about those things when it’s around you and they influence your writing.

It’s now 11:05 PM . . . And now “Book News” . . .
This month has been very busy with CHOOSE ME. I can’t believe April is over and May is here. Soon it will be June (yes, I’m a poet as well) . . . I’m getting nervous, excited, and other emotions I can’t describe. Health-wise, I am almost fully recovered, thank God (and I don’t mean that figuratively). Now if I could just get rid of my allergies, I’d be perfect.

Last month, I visited several bookstores: Women & Children First, Pan de Vida (Bread of Life), a Christian bookstore, and a couple of chain bookstores (Barbara’s Bookstore, Border’s, Barnes & Noble).

Women & Children First (not to mention, I love the name) has been one of my favorite bookstores since my children were little. It was where I escaped when I would drop them off at their father’s and where I met Julia Alvarez, Esmeralda Santiago and Sandra Cisneros. I had always dreamed of seeing my book in their store window and holding a reading as I attended is years past. But I knew a reading was probably unlikely since the store catered to a predominately feminist and lesbian clientele. So when I went there to speak to one of the co-owners about the possibility of scheduling a reading, I wasn’t surprised when she got THAT LOOK in her eyes and said, “We don’t really have many religious events.” She admitted that she had received my press kit and book but hadn’t read it. I explained to her that it wouldn’t be a “religious” event (like a revival), it would be a regular reading and even though the main character was a Christian, I considered her an independent woman, in charge of her sexuality. I then added that my goal wasn’t to “convert atheists into believers” (to quote Kanye West), just do a reading at my favorite bookstore as I had always dreamed of doing. Then she suggested hosting my book release party, as long as I could guarantee that my family and friends would show (translated, as long as I could guarantee lots of sales). She really was very nice, asked me the usual curious questions about publishing, but after stating that she would read the book and contact me about the possible book party, I have yet to hear from her; it’s been three weeks. I know I should follow-up on my end but I’m taking this as a sign that maybe her bookstore isn’t the place for my book party.

I then called the manager at the Barbara’s Bookstore located at the hospital where I used to work. During my intro, he sounded nonchalant or uninterested; I couldn’t tell which. In the end, he asked me to send him an advance copy of the book. Later in the month, I visited the bookstore and the “nonchalant” manager turned out to be a very nice (and African-American) guy. He believes my book will sell well given the multi-cultural angle, since the market remains untapped in contemporary fiction. He also suggested that I come in and sign the books (since the store is too small for a reading) which he would then affix with “Signed by the Author” stickers (something I had suggested in the letter I wrote him). He didn’t seem at all fazed by the Christian theme and asked questions about Christian fiction and my road to publication. We ended up having a great conversation. Lesson learned: Sometimes first impressions are not true indicators of a person’s character.

I have been getting almost daily e-mails from my publicist and publisher. My publicist has been sending almost weekly updated daysheets for my upcoming book tour beginning in June. (A daysheet is an itinerary of scheduled speaking events.)

The scariest e-mail I got was from my publisher asking me how the “new novel” was coming along. I was like, HELLO? The first one hasn’t even been released yet. I had been working on it off-and-on so I asked her for a deadline since I work quicker under pressure. Apparently, she was under the impression that we had settled on a May 1st deadline(!) When I told her I could not recall such a deadline (which is true), we decided on a deadline of August 1st (much better!) My “new novel” is actually the first book I wrote, which I need to revise before submitting it for approval.

Most recently, I got an e-mail about receiving a poster for my book signings which I will need to take to the bookstores with me, though I have yet to receive it.

My first interview for CHOOSE ME will be published in Marcela Landres’s May-June 2005 LATINIDAD™ Newsletter. If you would like to read it, you will have to subscribe to Marcela Landres’s newsletter (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/marcelalandres/).

UPDATE: A recent e-mail from my publisher requested that I get the “new novel” as soon as I can (YIKES!). So, I’ve been editing every day like a madwoman on a mission from God. Meanwhile, there’s my day job, ongoing book promotion, my niece’s SIU graduation, my mom’s arrival from Puerto Rico on May 12 (which means I have to clean the house!) – need I say more. I gots to go . . .

Peace, Love & Soul
Paz, Amor, y Alma

Xenia

WRITER'S BLOCK OR WHAT?

2005-04-10T14:26:00.000-05:00

This past week has been bad for me. I've been fighting some strep throat infection/flu thing & I haven't felt like doing much of anything. This is the first time I haven't been treated with antibiotics, just over-the-counter stuff & it's taking a toll on my mind, body & soul. I can deal with the body stuff but not the mind, and not the soul. I was NOT motivated to do anything -- you hear me? NUTTIN'. I could not write, could not check my e-mails, read... All I wanted to do was ve-gi-tate. I was in a really blue funk & I can't STAND when I feel that way. I've been praying. (When my sister invited me to church yesterday, I replied with, "What are they going to talk about?" She looked at me with disbelief and said, "I can't believe you said that." But she knows me so we laughed.)

Anyway, I woke up today & listened to my fav TV evangelist, Joel Osteen, and his message was directed to me. Not letting old habits interfere with your life, like overeating, worrying. Lately, I've been worrying about my kids, mostly my son, who finally bought a car, and with his night job, all I do is worry...about car-jacking, road-rage, not to mention a car accident. But I know I have to put all worries aside, hand them over to God 'cause I have no control over his destiny, or mine. Scary. But so true.

The worst part is I was actually dreading June 20, 2005 -- the release of my book, going on the book tour, doing readings. I was like, "I am NOT ready for this!" But then a voice was saying, "Hey, this is what you wanted, right?" NO, I wanted the dream, but not the fame. I wish I could publish my books in obscurity, like J.D. Salinger (Catcher in the Rye). No one's seen the man in 50 years, but his book continues to sell. That's what I want.

I went to Border's yesterday in Norridge (IL), continuing with the pre-promotion, introducing myself dropping off a galley. Turns out their events manager is the same for all the Border's so I don't have to go to anymore Border's. The store manager said they didn't do many book signings, & I was thinking, and probably not Latino or Black authors. My sister & I sat in the cafe for awhile & noticed the "color" of the clientele & they were few Blacks, fewer Latinos.

I haven't hit the Christian bookstores, and I really have to do that. But I'm thinking it's useless; most of the Spanish Christian bookstores sell Spanish bibles & books (nonfiction); few fiction. I don't know this for a fact, but the few stores I have visited in the past contain very little fiction. I need my sister & now that her husband is out of town for a whole week (WHOO-HOO!), we can get some visits done, after work...

My next step is to edit In the Picture I Have of You, make it more Christian. [My publisher asked me where it was a month ago, but she didn't give me a due date of any kind. I'm assuming it'll be due sometime later this year, after my book tour winds down.] I have been procrastinating, not doing much of anything after work (I get off at 1:30 every day--3:30 if I sub--for the love of mud!)--what is wrong with me? I sometimes wonder, is this really my passion?

I guess even writers who love what they do go thru this -- I have to believe this. No one, I mean no one, can love everything about their job, or hobby. My sister loves being a teacher, but even she gets exasperated.

Love, Peace & Soul,
Amore, Paz y Alma

Boycott SPANGLISH!!!

2004-12-21T17:56:00.000-06:00

Why is it that Hollywood continues to make movies about Latina stereotyes? We've had a Latina Surgeon General and they still want to concentrate on maids?! While I applaud those Latinas who have been maids (my grandmother included), and respect those who must work in the profession because they have no choice, we MUST have other depictions of Latinas. I know roles for Latina actresses are slim, but for every one of them who turns down a role as a maid/hot mama/prostitute, there will be another PenelopeCruz-wannabee, J.Lo-lookalike, and SalmaHayek-reject. Until the roles for Latinas become more diverse, we cannot allow these movies to go on, let alone watch them.