ON FAMILY, MISSING MY MOM, AND THE HOLIDAYS

Once again, the holidays have come and gone. And once again, it was hard for me to “get into” the spirit of the celebration, not in the commercial sense because I’ve long abandoned the need to go broke buying stuff I, and others, don’t need. Ever since my mom left for Puerto Rico in 1998, it has been difficult for me to enjoy this time of the year. Because her house was where the family congregated, all of my days seem empty without her, not just the holidays.

My mom has always been an independent spirit, even though she married my stepfather when I was five, and is still married. Not that getting married means one isn't independent, but when you're a couple, there are just certain things you just can't do. Most of the time, she did (and still does) what she wanted, like enrolling in night school to get her associates degree even though my stepfather ragged on her the entire time. At sixty, she learned to drive against my stepfather’s wishes (he claimed he could take her wherever she wanted to go -- apparently not). She also bought a used car despite his protests. For those of you who are not familiar with old-fashioned marriages, Puerto Rican husbands don’t take too kindly to independent wives. Many of them like their wives at home, even if they aren’t at home with them, and by their side whenever they go out. None of my mother’s sisters learned how to drive; they are at their husbands’ mercy to take them everywhere. So I admire my mother very much for taking this step. When she left for Puerto Rico, she shipped her beloved first car with her (a 1989 Chevy station wagon, which is still running to this day). Now when my stepfather doesn’t want to go to the movies or to the second-hand shops she enjoys visiting, she takes off. When she returns, she never hears the end of it. But my mom has longed since learned the art of filtering out sounds she doesn’t want to listen to, including my stepfather’s voice. Unfortunately, I haven’t been quite as blessed in that regard.

My grandmother lives two hours away from my mom in Puerto Rico so every other weekend, my mom drives to check on her, clean her house, take her on errands, etc. Sometimes my stepfather goes with her, most times he doesn’t. Two hours doesn’t seem that long but since I’m hundreds of miles away and I start thinking about how my mother’s only been driving for eight years and how she’s getting older, I can’t help but worry about her. I’ve taken that drive with her whenever I visited Puerto Rico and a straight shot it is not; we’re talking winding snake-like roads through mountainous terrain. And don’t let it rain.

Despite my mother’s absence, I still have my sisters, at least 35 cousins, first and second, and two aunts and uncles still living in Chicago, most of whom I see often throughout the year. Sometimes to the point that I feel I’m OD’d on family. So getting together on the holidays is not that big of a deal. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my family (especially my many little cousins shown above), taking pictures, and catching up. But it just isn’t the same without my mom. And it never will be.